Learning To Let Go

Goodbye is the Hardest Word to Say

I woke up to see Crystal with her arm around me, patting my head gently. I sat up and rubbed my eyes, looking at her.

“Come on,” she said, standing up. “James dropped by about ten minutes ago to remind us we have half an hour left. We need to make you look pretty, or at least decent.” I nodded and stood up, walking to the toilet. I stood in front of the sink, looking at myself in the mirror. I looked like a real mess. My eyes were blood-shot, my hair like a hay-stack. I turned on the tap and splashed some water on my face. I heard a knock on the door and opened it a crack.

“Your mum and Michele are here,” Crystal whispered, trying to block my view of them. “Be strong, be strong for them Bella. Especially Michele, all right? She’s really upset.” I nodded and closed the door. I looked at myself in the mirror again and ran my fingers through my knotted light brown hair. I quickly twisted my hair into my signature bun and splashed more water on my face. Drying it on a towel, I took a deep breath and walked out of the toilet.

“Hey Mum!” I said, forcing myself to sound breezy. I saw Crystal give me a thumbs up behind Michele’s back, and that brought a small smile to my lips. I gave my mum a tight squeeze and said to her, “You have to promise you’ll look after Michele. She needs you know.” My mum looked into my eyes, those grey ones meeting my green ones. She nodded, tears streaming down her face. I kissed on the forehead just as James knocked on the door and said, “Five minutes Isabella.” I gave my mum another squeeze and she stood up to leave.

“I’ll wait outside for you dear,” she said to Michele. She gave me a last fleeting look and left the room. Crystal followed suit, whispering in my ear, “Remember, be strong. See you around,” before leaving the room as well. I turned to Michele and said, “You need to look after Mum. She’s not going to handle this well. Be strong for her alright Michele?” she nodded and threw her arms around me. “You be brave too Isabella. Show them that they can’t control who you are. I looked into her huge, brown eyes and nodded.

She stood up and walked towards the door. She hesitated, and whispered, “I love you Bella.” I felt my eyes well up and used the back of my hand to wipe away the fresh batch of tears. “I love you too Michele,” I said, just as she closed the door. I heard her break down and felt my knees go weak.  I was forced to leave everything behind and walk into death’s hands. I never considered being the one to walk out of the arena, alive. It was unrealistic a dream. The door flew open and James stood in the doorway, the rest of the tributes behind him.

“Gotta get you lot to the train,” he said, as I closed the door behind me. I nodded dumbly and went to look for Rene. I found her lurking at the back of the group and joined her. She gave me a weak smile and placed her arm around my small waist. We trooped down to the empty train station, and boarded the train.

“Hello everyone,” Rochelle said, smiling down on us as we stepped onto the first compartment. It was about the length of a football field. “This is the girls’ compartment, and the next one, is for the boys’,” she said. “Due to the err… Increase in numbers, it’s two to a compartment.” The group nodded and immediately paired off. I linked arms with Rene and walked into any empty compartment. We both sank down on the soft twin bed and looked up the ceiling.

“I’m gonna take a nap,” she said, lying down on the bed. “Hopefully when I wake up, it’ll all be just a bad dream.” I chuckled at her and seconds later, I heard her snoring softly. Just then, there was a knock on the door. “Coming,” I said, standing up.

When I opened the door, I saw Aaron standing there. “Umm… Hey,” he said shyly, looking at the floor. “Hey, what’s up?” I asked.

“Would you like to, you know… Goforawalkwithme?” he asked, blushing furiously. I laughed to myself and said, “We’re on a moving train. Where exactly do you want to go?”

“I found a compartment that’s designed to be a garden,” he stammered. “Sure!” I said, not knowing what I was getting myself into. “Just give me a sec.” I ran back into the room and scribbled a note for Rene on the Post-It on the bedside table. I walked back to the door, sighing. What was I getting myself into?