Our Love (Advent Calendar 2015)

The 1st of December

Kristen opens the box labelled 'X-MAS', and sighs when the dusty lids glide to the sides and reveal all their Christmas stuff. Well, half of it at least. Rob has the other half.

This is the first year since they started dating, they won't be spending Christmas together, but Kristen won't let it ruin the sweet mood of December. So she plucks out the first Christmas album she sees in the box, digs around for her favourite gingerbread recipe and places a Santa hat on her head. 'Cause she is gonna celebrate Christmas, Rob or no Rob.

As she packs out decorations, it becomes harder and harder not to think about Rob. It's not just Christmas decorations that are in the box, it's memories.

Red Christmas ball; the 1st of December 2009, their first Christmas together. None of them had any of their own ornaments so they decided to buy some together. The red ball was the first one they bought. When Kristen was about to hang it on the tree, she noticed the three words that had been written with permanent marker on the shiny surface: "I love you". It was cheesy, yes, but it was sweet. Rob was sweet. "I love you too," she said giggling, when he wrapped his arms around her from behind and nuzzled the back of her neck with his nose.

Mittens with the British flag on; Rob bought her those when they were in England for Christmas and she didn't have any gloves. She knew he loved to warm her hands up by holding them in his own, but eventually he couldn't stand the thought of her freezing so much so he bought the nearest pair of mittens he could find, which just happened to be in a London souvenir shop.

Christmas lights; the sounds of giggles and kisses when they'd tried to untangle them and put them on the Christmas tree every year.

Wrapping paper; once when Kristen had asked Rob to help her wrap the gifts, he'd taken the roll of paper and wrapped her in it. When she questioned his strange behaviour, he'd told her she was a gift. To him.

She feels pathetic. There is not one single thing in the box that doesn't remind her of him. Though she doesn't want to admit it, she knows what it means. She misses him. Of course she does. He was the love of her life, the only person who understood her better than herself, the only person who wanted to listen to everything she had to say, the only person she's ever loved that way.

But no. She has made a promise to herself, she won't let Rob – or the lack of him – ruin her Christmas. He's moved on, so should she. She can't sit here and sob over a small, goofy plush reindeer just because it reminds her of that time when... Fuck, she really has to stop herself.

She continues packing out things and stumbles over Rob's Christmas sweater. He loved that sweater... and so did she. She wore it every time they were in England in December, and he let her. He told her that he loved seeing her wear his clothes, that he'd never seen her look cuter. As much as she wants to keep it, she needs to give it back to him. She just does. She got over half of his sweaters when they broke up, because he wanted to make sure that she stayed warm when she was filming places that were not as hot as LA, and now she wants to make sure he stays warm, 'cause she knows he will be spending most of December in London.

Before she can change her mind, she grabs her phone and types out a message for him:

Packing out Christmas stuff and found your sweater. I can drop it off tomorrow. – K

She quickly clicks 'send', puts her phone aside and goes into the kitchen to check on her gingerbread cookies.

When the Christmas CD has played three times, she's baked enough gingerbread for the next two Christmases, and Cole has bit the white fluffy ball off the Santa hat, Rob still hasn't replied. She knows this because she's checked her phone every second minute. Jesus, isn't she supposed to prove to herself that she can get through December without him?

Just as she's taking the fourth badge of cookies out of the oven, her phone vibrates in her pocket. She almost throws the cookies on the counter top and takes off the oven mits like they were burning her hands. She quickly pulls out her phone to see if it's him. Wow, this is going well. She rolls her eyes at herself.

Keep it. – R the text from Rob reads. She's supposed to be happy, she knows that. She's supposed to be happy that she doesn't have to see her ex. She thought she'd be happy if she wouldn't have to see him. She's not. She wants to see him.

Just then her phone vibrates again.

But drop by anyway. – R