Daughter's Love

gi

"Feel me for nothing. Don't even love me for me. Love me for nothing. Don't even love me for free."~ SZA

Waking up early for class gets on my fucking nerves. For the last, two months I've been getting in trouble at practice for no reason. Going to class wasn't any better. These niggas at this school need to get a grip on they hormones before I stab them in it.

Besides school I just been in my dorm. I don't socialize that much here. I think it's pointless. I really just want to be home with my family. Chresanto mostly. It's so lonely here. I miss Malik stupid ass coming into my house eating up everything. Ida probably killed three people at that community college. Mommy and Daddy walking around there fucking each other like Daddy said they were planning to do since my graduation. Even getting that mental picture made me throw up a little bit.

I went in my bathroom and looked at the clutter. Makeup, hair products, and pills. A bunch of damn pills. They help me sleep. They help me wake up. They calm my nerves. They just help me. Which I never thought I would need.

You gotta take them.

I did.

I do.

It helps.

My phone was ringing somewhere on my bed while I struggled to get my sleeping pills open.

"Shit."

I dropped the pills all in the sink. Fucking sink. My little blue helpers fell into a bowl for water to wash them out. I pushed my hair back out of my face. I just want to go to sleep. I don't want to stare at the concrete ceiling.

Again that damn phone was ringing.

I went back to my bed to find it and it ended up on the floor. Thank haven it didn't crack.

I didn't recognize the number but I was hoping it was a call about a job interview. I need my own money. I need a new damn car at that. Chresanto can't keep sending people up here to fix it every time it breaks down. He already call gave the death box a new engine. I doubt he'll stand to put air conditioner back in there for me. That damn Camry is hanging on to dear life because of Chresanto.

"Hello?" I answered the phone highly agitated.

"Baby?"

"Who the fuck is this? Don't call me no baby and I don't fucking know who this?" I yelled into the phone.

"Girl, pipe down. Another nigga calling you baby dead on sight. What's wrong with you?"

"Chresanto?" I asked. I was so out of it I can't recognize his voice.

"Yeah, baby. Who else you got calling you baby?" He laughed.

"I'm sorry I'm just working on this research paper. Why are you calling me from an unknown number?" I went back in the bathroom to get my pills out of the sink.

I put him on speaker but I already missed half of what the hell he was saying to me.

"-shit got hot and my phone ended up in the river."

"Oh, why you calling so late?" I scooped up what I could of my meds.

"I finally got time by myself. I miss you." He sound tired.