Daughter's Love

gi

"I don't have to think when I'm with him. If that's any constellation. Surface conversation in the blind observation that hands feel like hands in the middle of the dark but his voice don't sound yours no matter how lights I turn off." ~ Alysia Harris & Miles Hodges

I sat up with the sheet covering my body. The night Chresanto and I spent together was everything I imagined it'd be. He doesn't know anything. And I'm scared to tell him jack shit because I would lose his trust.

It was the big ass window like the shit in movies. Downtown always had the best apartments, it wasn't like it was something new. The light from the early morning was coming in making Chresanto's soft baby like face glow a bright orange. His plump pink lips were more darker so you could tell he's been making smoking a habit. He has a few scars on his face. There's one below his right eye. He told me when niggas shot up his car the glass cut him, I'm surprised he didn't catch a bullet. But in a weird way made him sexier than before. I didn't tell him that though. His tattoos were everywhere now in highschool he only had two. He has a mustache, that is weird on him but he likes it way too much. His hair now grown out more so that when he feeling goofy he puts it in two buns.

How could I fuck up?

My phone buzzed making me take my focus away from him.

Di 🔫: you made up your mind ?

Me: don't do this right now please 😒

Di 🔫: should I tell him ? I mean you did say to me you don't want what we have going on to stop . Steady lying to him and fucking me isn't going to change the fact you need me .

Me: I don't need you .

Di 🔫: sure, Gi. Hmu when you ready to come back to a real one ?

Me: Di stop okay . It's over . I'm done .

Di 🔫: try saying it to me when this dick in your mouth 😉

Me: fuck you .

I felt him kiss my shoulder. I locked my phone turning around plastering a smile on my face.
Even the little things Chresanto does makes me feel like shit for doing what I did. I don't know why I kept doing it either.

"Good morning, baby." I looked at him smiling small.

"Hi." Was all I could say.

"You okay? Why you up so early?" He asked.

Everything to him must seem normal. I couldn't come out and blatantly say I had sex with a different nigga before you. You're not my first. You're too good to me for this to be happening. I'm sorry. I couldn't come out and say anything.

"Yeah, just don't want to go back." I shrugged laying back down next to him.

Looking at his eyes they're filled with happiness. Mine are probably empty as fuck and he's probably trying to figure out why.

"Then stay here with me. I'll take care of you."

"You know my father would come tearing up the city if I didn't come home eventually."

We both chuckled at the numerous threats he's sent Chresanto any time he's seen him. I didn't even have to be in Langston to know that my father said something to him.