Daughter's Love

gi

"Baptize me now that reconciliation is possible. If we're going to heal, let it be glorious. One thousand girls raise their arms. Do you remember being born? Are you thankful? Are the hips that cracked, the deep velvet of your mother...and her mother...and her mother? There is a curse that will be broken." ~ Beyoncé

I just replayed the last week out in my head. My family didn't hold Thanksgiving dinner thanks to me and my selfish ways. Chresanto forces me to eat way more than I should to make sure I don't die from starvation. He gives me plenty of water to drink along with some vitamins to help with the anxiety I've built up. They work. I sleep better. I still wake up in the middle of the night.

Chresanto likes to hold me while he sleeps. He's always been like that. For me, I have to pry myself away. Roxie will wake up and sit with while I stared at the downtown area. From this window, we got a perfectly good view of the strip. The strip club that Uncle C's sister conveniently owns is the brightest thing down there. Along with other shops and carts that lined the strip for adult activities that range from drugs to sex stores.

It's been days, but the withdrawal from my pills hit me hard. I threw up everything. I was sweating. Chresanto had to keep me in a tub of ice for me to cool down. He had a personal doctor visit me everyday to make sure I'm getting back healthy. The doctor said I needed more time and should probably see a therapist.

I laughed inside when he said that to Chres.

"Baby, why are you watching that?" Chresanto came into the living room without a shirt and his grey joggers.

Lort help me.

I was sitting there with Roxie watching Beyoncé Lemonade but I just kept watching the same scene over and over along with the song Sandcastles and it spoke volumes to me.

I shrugged at him not know what to say to him really. These days with him taking care of me is starting to feel useless in a way. The good thing about all this is that we spend time together. Like regular people would. He doesn't run out the door every other hour. His phone isn't blowing up with text from Nesha or Monty.

I had his phone and he had mine. Mine was only blowing up because people were looking for me. Chresanto asked if I wanted him to let everyone know I was fine, I didn't. I was alive but I wasn't fine.

Ida Mae sent multiple messages to Chresanto threatening him telling him to find me. I thought she would figure it out by now that I'm with him but I guess not.

Nesha texted his phone the other day saying she knows I'm with him. And not because somebody told her. It's because he didn't think to take the I love PINK case off of my phone.

"It reminds me of us. Only I'm Jay and you're Bey." I said softly.

"Georgia, you gotta get out that mood." He came and sat next to taking the remote. He even took it as far as turning the tv completely off.

"My mood will stay like this for as long as I want." I crossed my arms and luckily Roxie got in the middle of me and Chres.

We may slept closely at night but any other time I stay away from him.

"I'm mad but I'm not going to let you keep putting yourself down like this. Badass, you make my world, you did something to fuck it up, but that's the point of evolution. We planting seeds right now. Soon our grass is going to be green. Then our trees will grow tall. Then our mountains will raise. Valleys look all that shit that makes me and you work together is going to come back. Maybe not everything but majority of the shit we had before will come back. And maybe some better shit will come right along with the other shit. Georgia fucking looking at me." He pushed Roxie from the couch grabbing me forcing me to look at him.