don't forget about me | ethan cutkosky

|25|

When I woke up the next morning, it was dead silent. That's probably something I shouldn't say while I'm in a hospital but oh well. 

Usually I'm able to hear the click of shoes on the tile floor, some fast, some slow, depending on if there was an emergency or not. Sometimes I hear yelling in the waiting room, the elevator dinging, beds being rolled down the hall, coughing, sneezing, crying, people throwing up, you name it. 

But this morning, I heard nothing. I got up and walked over to the door that connected my room to my parents room and they were nowhere to be found. A small note was left on the table saying they had just left for breakfast in town and they would be back around eight fifteen. I walked back over to the main door and peaked my head out but nobody was in the hallway so I took it upon myself to explore. 

I walked out of my room and padded down the hallway looking into rooms and giving out a sigh in relief when I saw doctors in almost every room I looked in. The waiting room had a few people in it but not any more than usual. 

Why was everyone so quiet? I looked around for a clock on the wall but before I could read the time a familiar voice answered my question. 

"It's not even seven in the morning yet, silly. Everyone is still asleep." 

I turned around and saw Brooke standing behind me with two drinks in her hand. One iced coffee and one regular hot coffee. She held the iced coffee out to me and I took it, smiling. It was my favourite drink ever. 

"It's decaf, I know the caffeine can make you more anxious." 

"Thanks," I whispered, my morning voice still clear. I cleared my throat and began speaking. "So.. what are you up to today?" 

"Well, I was hoping to talk to you about stuff, if that's okay. I don't wanna stress you out or anything.."

I nodded, "Well we can go back to my room. My parents went out for breakfast so they won't be back for a while."

She nodded and followed behind me while I lead her back to my room. I opened the door and held it open for her. I sat down near the top of the bed and she sat near the bottom and we both crossed our legs. 

"I'm just gonna come straight out with it. I fucked up so bad. So, so bad. I know me apologizing won't do shit but I'm sorry Taryn. I don't know what came over me to do what I did but I regret it."

Knowing she came here to apologize and she owned up to what she did made me happy. Ethan couldn't even do that, and he's my boyfriend. She actually showed me what kind of person he is, but that doesn't mean what they did was okay.

"I'm still a little mad but it actually showed me what kind of person he really is. He obviously doesn't care that I'm in here and he's pretty much abandoned me since I was admitted. He rarely ever spends time with me and always says he's going out to spend time with 'his boys' but I feel like more is going on and nobody is telling me." I said, tears coming to my eyes. "How can I trust him Brooke?" 

"You can't." Brooke stated. "He's a liar and a cheater. He's been with so many other girls behind your back Taryn. So many.. He goes to parties with his friends, gets drunk, gets high on anything he can get his hands on then fucks as many girls that are willing to get with him." 

A small part of me expected this but the other part of me (which was a fairly large amount) thought it couldn't be true. A small pain in my chest had erupted into a big pain and the tears that were daring to spill out, spilt. All of the "I love yous" meant nothing to him. Me being in here and fighting for a life I only wanted as long as he was in it meant nothing. Everything that once held so much meaning had no meaning at all. 

"He told me that he's been "a horny asshole" since you were admitted here and used that as an excuse." Brooke said, moving closer to me and taking my hands in hers. 

Just as I looked up the door opened and there stood the beautiful disaster who looked like he had been hit by a truck. Dark circles were prominent around his eyes, they were almost black. His cheeks were flushed and his lips were swollen. His clothes were creased and wrinkly and I could smell him from my bed, which had to be over ten feet away from him. 

I could smell a slight hint of his cologne but it was mixed with stale alcohol and a smell that I didn't want coming from him, especially now. He smelled of sex. 

"I'll go... Call me when he leaves and we can spend the day watching movies like old times." Brooke whispered to me ending her sentence with a smile. 

I nodded and watched her leave my room, glaring at Ethan. 

Now that it was just me and him, I started to feel nervous, sad and desperate. Nervous because I didn't know what was going to happen. I didn't know what he was going to say and frankly, I'm not in the mood for anymore surprises today. Sad because he cheated on me multiple times while I've been in the hospital. Sad because a huge part of me still wants to be with him, love him, grow up with him, but a small part tells me to let him go because this was something that couldn't ever be forgotten. Desperate because that huge part of me was telling my brain to do absolutely anything for and to him that would want him to stay with me, even now that the chemo has stopped working and I have to make a choice between destroying my organs with chemo to become cancer free and still have some chance of having children in the future or having my ovaries removed which could cause me to never be able to have kids in the future but I would be cancer free.

I would do just about anything for him to be with me because he is all I want. I know we're young. I'm only fifteen but I found my true love. I just don't think he found his. 

My mom and dad met when they were ten, dated from the time they were fourteen to twenty-four, then got married. I hoped Ethan and I would be like them but in his eyes, we weren't. 

"I fucked up." He whispered, sitting down on the chair beside my bed. 

"I know."

He chuckled, looking up at me. I got butterflies in my stomach just looking at his smile and hearing his laugh. That moment, I knew I was fucked. I thought maybe I was all along but its for sure now. 

I love this boy and I will risk absolutely anything to be with him, even if it puts my health at risk. I doubt he will do the same and that is what scares me. 

It fucking terrifies me.

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one more chapter after this guys! then the epilogue. 

thank you for reading and i hope you enjoyed! please don't forget to comment and vote, it really helps me :)

xoxo