Another Broken Smile

61- "Wait, so you actually met Chloe in a strip club!!??"

I wake up with a start, sweating and worried, suffocating in my own skin. Another bad dream.

The moon shines through the window but it does nothing to calm me as the past haunts me while I keep running to the other route as it spreads its evil clutches trying to catch me and crush my very soul.

I open the drawer of my beside table in a frantic movement and there sits my rescue. A shiny silver razor blade of relief. It's ends, sharp as pincers gleaming in the moonlight tempts me. I pick it and hold it against my bare wrist with its disappearing scars. For a second, I do slash it against my skin but then reality flashes in front of my eyes. The disappointing face of Alec, the sobs of Adeline, the laughing determination of Chloe, Alec's excited electric blue eyes and then I keep the blade back.

I keep it back, refusing to give into the monster that raps my door in a desperation.

I fidget in my place, my hand forcing me to rake the drawer again for the blade, so I find it once again and instead of holding it against my skin, I open the balcony door of my room and step outside in the fresh air. In haste, I don't pick a jacket but I quite like the cool summer air biting into my arms and knocking some sense into me.

I walk to the railing and throw the blade. It tumbles down into the air plunging into a defeated battle and I know that I have conquered my fear and addictions once more. I know they will never stop and it will always be a battle, a tough decision I would have to take every time but I will try my best never to give into them again.

Satisfied I go back to sleep. And the Saturday morning seems much brighter and sunnier than it was.

We are supposed to leave today on a road trip to the next town to attend a concert of Little Trouble this weekend. I haven't figured a way to tell Meghan yet. I did hint at it yesterday and two days back but she didn't give a shit about what I was blabbing, so I'll probably have to wing it today.

I walk downstairs and prepare breakfast as soon as I can, stealing glances at my packed duffle and the ticking hands of the clock waiting for Alec to arrive with his car. Even Jason was going to accompany us on the trip but I am not sure since Chloe has been quite down these days and he was debating if he should just stay in town and spend some time with her.

Just then Meghan descends down the stairs in her silky pink nightgown and walks into the kitchen.

"Good morning" I greet her as she enters the kitchen and pours herself a cup of coffee that I had prepared earlier.

"Good ...morning?" it is more of a question than greeting as she is surprised that I greeted her in the first place.

"Well I'll be leaving in a few minutes" I drop the bomb casually as I continue finely chopping the onion for the omelette.

"You don't have school today" she states.

"Yeah, l'll be leaving to the next town for the weekend" I elaborate waiting for her to blow like a ticking bomb and she does.

"What?!" she screeches horrified.

"I told you yesterday" I whine knowing quite well she let me blabber last night next to her and then dismissed me telling me that she has no time for my nonsense.

"I never agreed to this" she tells me with an authoritative tone.

I finish the omelette and serve it on the plate, quite done with my work.

"Well I informed you last night" I tell her again.

"I won't let you go" she tells while daring me to go against her.