Wished Away

Swinging feet

She was sat there, with feet just hanging over the edge of the broken wall. A rhythmic pace shattered by her uneven tears and soft chocked gasps for breath. Her hair was waving in the wind, waving to her still thoughts, leaving her with a fragment of madness hitting her head on. Trembling slighting she didn't know right or wrong, like a child struggling with left and right she was lost between the two. Lost in her madness she was unaware of her actions.

But the way she sat, almost calm, I was almost, nearly, fooled that she was fine. I wanted to believe the only reason she sat there right then was that the view was pretty at sunset- I wanted to believe it so bad. As her body shook slightly from her sobbing I wished it was caused by laughter. I wanted to know what made her so sad, at her breaking point, at that moment I had wanted to hold her in my arms. God knows, I didn't want to see her broken or sad or lonely, I wanted to see her face light up with joy and break into uncontrollable laughter. I guess I was just selfish.

To be so shocked, so frozen in place by her words, that I had not expected.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" she had told me. A small sad smile adorning her tired face. A smile that showed weary eyes and tear-stained cheeks, her face was so elegant and yet it was so misunderstood. Turning back she uttered quietly: "I wanted to see it for one last time." So softly it was almost lost in the wind like a gentle feather swaying and drifting away in the breeze.

"It doesn't have to be the last time," I whispered solemnly to her, I wanted so badly to comfort her. My fists were clenched at that moment, holding on to my courage I suppose, I took a few steps forward before stopping.

"There's no need. Don't waste your time here, not with me. Don't get hung up on the past, on things you can't change. This was my fate, I chose this for myself. No one placed me here, only myself. Remember that... Please, Peter." Shaking, she cried out to me, sobbing slightly and gripping the wall. "Please, just help someone else. Before it's too late for them."

Those were the last words she had said to me. The last words she had said at all. I still return to that wall, that rotten wall which was crumbling, crumbling as I had after it had happened. Her feet had always been swinging, swinging on her stall, chair, anyway where her feet would not touch the ground.

I suppose that is how I would like to remember her. With swinging feet.