Life

Back to school

Beep beep beep

I sit up instantly to the sound of my alarm and the baby crying. I roll over to see if Oliver came back last night, but he didn't. I get out of the bed and go to the play pen That's next to the dresser.

"What's wrong  mamas baby?" I pick him up and carry him over to the bed I start to feed him and call my mom.

Mom: ava it's 6:30 what do you want?

Ava: what are you doing all day?

Mom:I'm going to take Abby to grandmas then hang out at the house why?

Ava:what are you doing for the rest of the month?

Mom: I'm working from home you know that.... I literally told you that 2 days ago.

Ava: I'm going back to school today and they said I can bring Brody but I don't want to yet because he's not even two months. Can you watch him for me please?? For the rest of the month??

Mom: ok fine, you owe me.

Ava: thanks so much, I'll drop him off in an hour.

I hang up and finish feeding Brody. I start to pump while I do my makeup and hair. All I do is just brush it out and throw it in a braid. Then I go to my closet and look at it.

I could wear my jeans...but they're too tight and I need to get this baby weight off. I'll just wear my leggings and a long sleeve and my uggs. I was pregnant the last time I was actually at school. So I don't really care.

I finish getting dressed. 7:15. I get Brody and put him in the car seat I grab his diaper bag and the bottles. I grab my pump and my book bag. I put everything away in the bags. I carefully pick up the carrier and the bags and make my way out of the house, down the stairs and into the car.

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"Mom!" I walk into the house.

"Yes hurry I don't want you to be late to your first day back." She grabs the carrier and the diaper bag.

"Ok there's about 6 bottles. That should be good he eats every two hours and there's about 20 diapers, an extra pair of clothes, he has his ninnys in the little container. Ok so you should be good if not text me and I'll come right over." I explain. "Gosh this is the first time I'm going to not be around him" I start to cry and bend over and kiss Brody's head. "bye baby"

"My daughter. Go to school" mom says and I step out side. I get in my car and look at the clock. 7:35. I have time to stop and get breakfast at McDonald's.

I get in the car, close the door and then open it back up because I have to puke. After I drive off.

After McDonald's I go straight to school. I walk in the school and go to my homeroom.  I see Val and she runs up to me.

"Almost two months too long my friend! It's official mama A is back" she says to our homeroom.

"yup and please no questions, every two hours mhe eats, it hurt for the most part, and I left him with my mom, he's going to be there until he's 3 months old" I tell everyone. I sit down in my seat.  And to my luck I start to feel nauseous again. I swallow it.

"Hello class, today we welcome back Ava. That's all, and just because it's March doesn't mean you can slack off, it means you work harder. You have two more months left make the best of it."  Mrs.karniky says. A boy leans over, he must have come to the school when I was out.

"Where have you been? It seems that while you where gone people at this school where sad, now that you're here they're happy...why is that?"

"I had a baby in January, he'll be joining us after spring break"

"How old are you? You look 12"

"I'm 17 but thanks, means a lot coming from a stranger. Why are you hitting on me?"

"My kind don't hit on girls, we specifically like the male variety."

"Oh so your gay...glad your out of the closet, hey if you ever need a serget, hit me up, I make good babies."

"Oh really that's my opinion.....Jesse" he holds his hand out.

"Ava" I shake his hand. "I think we'd make good friends"

"Most definitely. When do you milk yourself? I wanna watch"

"In about and hour" I stop talking because the teacher comes by with my schedule.  I smile at her. She just rolls her eyes.

"What was that?"

"People are so judgmental about teen parents, like I wanted to have my baby at 16 and miss two months off school because I have the time to make it" I say sarcastically.

"Mm every little girls dream, I'm glad I only dreamt about men. I don't do boys"

"Neither do I, how do you think I got pregnant" we let out a chuckle. Then the bell rings       signaling us that we have to go to our extracurricular classes. 

I have to go to drama, she's nice and they're probably doing a play so I can just sit down and relax, maybe get in a quick 20. But when I get there I'm fresh out of luck because they're still assigning parts and j have no choice but to try out. Luckily Jesse was there too.

"What's your schedule?" I ask him. He hands me it.  Exactly the same. Wow.

"So who's ready to do musical theater?" Mrs.thaler says. I can't even begin to explain how bad my voice is. "We're going to be doing a short musical, Cinderella" my heart sinks.

"Ohh we should do the towns people, or you could be Cinderella" Jesse smiles.

" ha ha ha" I laugh sarcastically. "I'm asking for a back stage job, something easy I'm gonna be breast feeding until next year"

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"So like you wear that bra thing and you take the suckers and put them in the hole, and the hole has small holes and the milk just gets sucked out" Jesse says as we sit in the girls bathroom.

"Exactly, and if I don't pump my boobs will hurt and they will leak. But I mean they leak anyway. So that's why I wear boobie pads." I pull one out of my bag.

"That's so gross but like memorizing at the same time."

"Yup, I'm almost done and I honestly don't feel like school anymore, I miss my baby" I start to cry. "But after school I have to go get an abortion and then I won't see my baby for 10 hours today and we've never done that."

"Abortion? Gurl you've been hitting it raw since you've had a baby.....smart"

"Shit I'm just gonna go do it now then go home" I start to pack up and clean myself off.
I walk out the bathroom and head to the office.

"wait are you coming back?"

"I'll be back tomorrow" I run down the hall with a bottle of breast milk in my hand. I walk in the office and sign out.

I drive off to the clinic. I didn't tell anyone else. Nobody saw where I was going. I cried the whole way there, throughout the procedure, on the way to my moms house, and on the way home.

My mom asked me if I was ok and why I was crying. I just said that u was overwhelmed and she didn't ask further.

I have two babies. One living. One dead. I feel like the worst person in the world.