Experiences

Defeating Depression

  Depression is not always about not being able to close your eyes at night. It's sometimes about waking up in the morning, sleepy-eyed, trying to get off the bed, and stopping, because you cannot find a reason to do so. Sometimes, it's about standing in front of the mirror, and hearing your reflection whisper, "You mean nothing." Sometimes it's about waiting in front of the coffee shop for a friend who promised to come but never did, because she never really meant it. It's about realizing no one ever really means it.

Depression cannot be defined. It doesn't always make you sad. Sometimes, it just makes you numb, and trust me, it's no less painful than being on the verge of breaking down all the time. Sometimes, depression is about things that should have hurt you but didn't, because you couldn't feel anymore. It's about giving up on yourself, but not giving up on the blanket of numbness that's slowly suffocating you to death.

And defeating depression is not all about being able to smile again. Sometimes, it's about finally feeling tears stream down your eyes when you feel sad. It's about managing to feel. And about the tears of relief that follow the tears of sadness. Defeating depression is about feeling so alive that you aren't able to believe your own senses. Finally, it's about being able to look depression right in the eyes, and whispering calmly, "I win."