dear harry | larry stylinson

H a r r y t o L o u i s

July 3rd, 2016

Dear Louis,

I'm so sorry. I didn't realise how much I was hurting you until it was too late. I just wanted to protect you.
You see, a little over two months ago, the day before our fight, I went to the doctor. You know, because of the cold I had in January that never went away. Well, turned out I have lung cancer. Fourth stadium. The doctor told me I might have only a few weeks left. I was devastated and before I could even tell you, this fucking fight started and I hurt you so much. I told you things that I can never forgive myself I told you, I didn't mean them at all. I'm sorry for that, too. The moment you told me you want me to leave and that I shouldn't come back ever, I realised something: you were completely right. You were better off without me. So I left without telling you that I was sick. I tried to ignore you, I told my family that they can't tell you where I am - only in case I'm dying (tomorrow will be my last day, I just feel it).
I didn't even want to tell you that I'm okay, but I didn't want you to worry about me. I wanted you to move on, live your life and be happy without me because I knew, if I came back to you, we would've had to say goodbye a few weeks later forever. And I didn't want you to cry because of me.
Of course now that doesn't make sense anymore. I wish I'd never left but talked to you and I wish I'd spent my last few weeks one art with the most amazing person on earth.
I read every single one of your letters. They were so touching. And your song for me was the best one I ever read - you did a perfect job writing it.
And, uhm, I wore the necklace you got me for my 16th birthday the whole time and when I got your penultimate letter, I found the ring. It's almost as beautiful as you. I couldn't stop sobbing for the next three or four hours until they drugged me again, then I fell asleep. But when I woke up I realised it wasn't a nightmare. I would've loved to marry you. This easy always my dream, from the very beginning on.
Do you remember our first meeting in kindergarten?
Our first date?
Our first kiss?
Our first fight?
Our first time? (You topped, hehe.)
Our first holiday?
I do remember every one of them, they're so precious memories I don't ever want to miss.
I think I should stop writing now. I don't have a lot of energy the last days. I usually wake up, cry, read your letters, cry, sing your song, cry and go back to sleep.
It's going to be my last day tomorrow, I just know it. I'm going to call you and it's definitely my only dying wish that you pick up. I want to hear your voice one last time before I leave.
Again, Lou - I'm really sorry for what happened. I hope one day you might understand why I did all of this. I wanted to protect you, because you're the best that ever happened to me. I love you. So much. Please live your life, but not for me. You'll find love one day, don't let them go. Marry them, raise children with them and one day - when you're ready - I'll be welcoming you up here.

Harry x

P.S.: my answer would've been:
"Yes, yes, a thousand times yes. You're the love of my life and I can't wait to spend eternity with you."

P.P.S.: don't be mad at mom, I told her to not tell you where I am. You know why. And please tell your mom and the girls and Ernie that I love them so much. They're family to me.