dear harry | larry stylinson

e p i l o g u e

July 4th, 2016

Louis hung up the phone and went straight to the bathroom for a razor and some pills. When he came back, he noticed a white envelope on the ground right in front of the door of his room. He couldn't care less right now about some stupid bill or something like that, but something told him to at least look who the letter was from. And when he opened it and saw the writing, he knew it was from Harry. The love of his life who he witnessed dying just over a minute ago.
Louis wasn't sure if he should either read the letter (he promised Harry that if he responded he'd stay a little longer after all) or if he should go the easier way and already be with Harry again.
He decided to keep his promise, and started to read Harry's letter.

Dear Louis,

I'm sorry. I didn't realise how much I was hurting you until it was too late. I just wanted to protect you.
You see, a little over two months ago, the day before our fight, I went to the doctor. You know, because of the cold I had in January that never went away. Well, it turned out I have lung cancer. Fourth stadium, the doctor told me I might have only a few weeks left.

When he read this, Louis thought he was going to throw up. He never knew his baby had cancer, he couldn't be by his side all his way to heaven and all of this was only because Harry wanted to protect him... He didn't deserve Harry at all. His baby was sick and still only thinking about Louislouislouis.

I was devastated and before I could even tell you, this fucking fight started and I hurt you so much. I told you things that I can never forgive myself I told you, I didn't mean them at all. I'm sorry for that, too. The moment you told me you want me to leave and that I shouldn't come back ever, I realised something: you were completely right. You were better off without me. So I left without telling you that I was sick. I tried to ignore you, I told my family that they can't tell you where I am - only in case I'm dying (tomorrow will be my last day, I just feel it).

That little Bastard knew it'll be his last day, Louis thought. So he prepared everything - a letter and a last call for Louis, who thought his heart is going to break again in even more tiny pieces. He'll never be better off without Harry, without his baby, without the love of his life. He wanted to propose to him, to marry him, to live happily ever after with him by his side. But he knew now that this wasn't just bound to happen.

I didn't even want to tell you that I'm okay, but I didn't want you to worry about me. I wanted you to move on, live you'd life and be happy without me because I knew, if I had come back to you, we would've had to say goodbye a few weeks later forever. And I didn't want you to cry because of me.

"Do you know, Harry, how much I cried because of you? I cried whole nights through. I lost 27 pounds in the two months you weren't with me. I can't sleep anymore without nightmares in which you are dying multiple times. I can't eat without throwing up after. I can't play with Doris and Ernie anymore without crying because Doris keeps asking where you are. When I wanted to cut Ernie's hair, he was like: "No! No cut! I want like 'arry!" I can't do this anymore, Harry. I know you want me to be happy, but without you I can't be."

Of course now that doesn't make sense anymore. I wish I'd never left but talked to you and I wish I'd spent my last few weeks on earth with the most amazing person on earth.
I read every single one of your letters. They were so touching. And your song for me was the best one I ever read - you did a perfect job writing it.

"Thank you, baby."

And, uhm, I wore the necklace you got me for my 16th birthday the whole time and when I got your penultimate letter, I found the ring. It's almost as beautiful as you. I couldn't stop sobbing for the next three or four hours until they drugged me again, then I fell asleep. But when I woke up I realised it wasn't a nightmare. I would've loved to marry you. This easy always my dream, from the very beginning on.
Do you remember our first meeting in kindergarten?
Our first date?