It had been several weeks since they had spoken to eachother. Apart from awkward glances shared in the hallways and classrooms in school they hadn't seen eachother again since that faithful afternoon.
But even though Camila didn't see Lauren physically, mentally her head was constantly brimming with thoughts of the older girl.
It seemed as if that now that she knew what it was like to be Lauren's friend it felt like going to rehab to not be around her. But it wasn't just that...
Sometimes she felt her thoughts drift back to Lauren's lips, and her hands on her body. Dinah had told Camila that she wasn't straight after all. That no, it was not normal to feel like this about a girl if she was. And even though Dinah admitted that Lauren was hot, she wouldn't want to kiss her. And apparently Camila did, and that was what made it completely different.
She knew that there was some truth in Dinah's words though.
But she didn't know what to think. Or how to feel. She just felt. Not knowing what exactly that might be.
But above all she knew. She knew what was safe, what had been safe all along. And that was what she was used to. What had always been there; Chuck.
So she told Dinah she was in fact straight. And made up with Chuck the day after.
But everytime he kissed her, she felt nothing. Nothing but emptiness and a mind that belonged to someone else while she kissed him. She thought about how soft Lauren's hands had been when they had grazed her skin compared to Chuck's rough hands. She compared his tasteless lips to Lauren's minty lips. She saw Chuck's dull grey eyes and thought about Lauren's piercing green ones. It was a never ending story.
And everytime he told her he loved her, she still told him she loved him back. Not sure what that even meant. What love even was.
And eventhough Chuck was indeed safe, Lauren was exciting.
She had tasted a piece of an apple in paradise and couldn't feel satisfied with the regular apples anymore. Lauren had spoiled her and floundered her senses, her mind and the way she saw herself.
"Mila... Just talk to her already." Dinah said to her friend as she fixed her hair in the mirror.
They were going to the first softball game of the season later and there would be a small party afterwards at Jack Haul's house.
Camila visibly rolled her eyes. "Why can't you just drop it Dinah." She groaned as she applied some mascara on her eyelashes.
"Because. My bestfriend acts like a miserable zombie." She replied.
"I do not."
"Of course you don't." Dinah said sarcastically.
"Listen I don't need to speak to her Dinah. I don't really care about it. I'm happy as I am. "
"If you don't care stop looking at her. Stop being absent and stop thinking about her. God Mila, you barely even know her and look how she has you wrapped around her finger."
Of course Dinah was right. Lauren consumed her every thought. It wasn't healthy, she knew that, but it didn't keep her mind from wandering to those exciting places.
She didn't quite understand what it was about Lauren that fascinated her so much. The kiss had come as a total surprise to her but Lauren had seemed confident, driven even. And then she suddenly changed her mind.
Why did she change her mind and why did Lauren even kiss her in the first place?
"Camila..." Dinah said again.
YOU ARE READING
Limerence (camren)
FanfictionSkirts covered her nude knees. A necklace with a cross hung from her neck. A purity ring adorned her ringfinger. And every sunday, she and her parents went to church. There were other places she would go though... Some lucky boys could co...