Ashes

Asymptote

When I arrive the lesson has already started but the door's still open-- I debate whether I should enter or not, know that I'll go unnoticed anyway, so I quietly walk through the wooden entrance.

Give a quick look around, see people scribbling on their copybooks, all too focused to raise their heads and acknowledge my existence, but instead Mr Wilson does, steadies the glasses on his nose with a nonchalant gesture and looks at me, stops and says-

"Thank you for gracing us with your presence Mr Ashford. I was beginning to think you had dropped out"

His tone is dry, always so full of himself-- know that he takes it to heart that I don't attend his lectures frequently, although he shouldn't, because despite being a dickhead, he's the one person I look up to.

He had decided not to let it go this time, still I mutter an inaudible apology, hurry to sit on the nearest seat available, my cheeks tinting of the softest shade of pink- from afar I see Juliet, with her burning red hair, that fair complexion and hypnotising eyes, so that's where I head.

When I take seat she turns and smiles-- it's natural, kind, sweet almost and so I try to return it as well as I can, probably end up failing miserably, but it doesn't really matter. She knows me, knows that I suck at keeping relationships with people, that I'm too damned shy, that I hate being at the centre of everyone's attention, and more generally speaking, that smiling is definitely not my forte-

''Hey Jay, don't worry, you haven't missed much- I'll lend you my notes if you want but don't take it to heart, he's being the same arrogant fuck he always is''

I think she says it to make me feel better, or probably because that's what everyone would have done if they were her, so I let out a light laugh, tuck the loose strands of hair behind my ears.

Juliet's what most guys would define hot-- she has it all, she's fun, clever, friendly, interesting, and has the looks to top it off. I think they'd do anything to have her attention, let alone spend a night with her- but she's selective, doesn't open up to everyone and it must be part of her defence system, surely successful. She's exactly the opposite of Mike, both physically and characterwise, so much so that you would never tell they're twins.

''Oh he could have fooled me, there I thought I was doing him a favour studying on my own! Guess he missed me after all''

''He must have. He did mention something about missing your light, lively eyes, your pale doll cheeks, your delicate frame and the way you lick your lips when you're trying to find the answer---''

I almost choke- ''It's enough, it's enough, I think I got it''

And I know she's joking, yet it still feels strange, because Mr Wilson is in his forties and he's still vigorous. Girls come from all courses to ask him questions they're not even interested in, just to be near him for a while, breathe the same air as him, be in his same space.

She chuckles and I know that my face is turning the lightest shade of red, get my copybook and look away- end up getting distracted as always, I hear the words but I can't comprehend them.

It's only after a while that he gets my attention--he's explaining a very basic concept, something he could take for granted but he says we won't forget this way.

''And so the graph of our curve gets closer and closer to the line, but they will never touch. The closer it seems to get, the further it actually is. We call that unreachable line asymptote--"

And I don't know what it is, what ticks in me everytime, why everything always revolves around him somehow, but I think about it-- it hurts, because I'm that curve, trying to reach the line, trying to touch it, and he's the asymptote-- he backs away, he's gone and I can't reach him. I never will. There's like some kind of mathematical law, or maybe physical, that keeps us at two opposites, forces us apart, leaves distance-- he pushes me afar.