Sleepyhead

Skinny Dipping

Now Presenting: A Dramatic Retelling Of My Night Trapped On The Tour Bus Belonging To The World’s Hottest Boyband, One Direction.

Lights. Camera. Action.

Etc. Etc.

Basically, after Harry had dropped that weird feely-bomb on Zayn, and Zayn responded with a scoff and a remark along the lines of, “She looks at me like she wants to fuck me, man. Nothing more,” I decided it was time to stop all the madness. 

It had gone way too bloody far.

And so I promptly sprung from the bunk, screaming at the top of my lungs. Niall screamed like a girl. Louis rolled out of his bunk. Liam peeked his head out and yelled, “Does someone need help?” like the superman that he was. 

All the while I had actually landing on the ground on my bum, laying there and rolling around and complaining of ass pain and bloody fucking Captain and just basically making an even greater scene than need be.

Zayn and Harry just stood a few feet away, eyes widened and staring at me and Louis rolling about on the floor.

You know, just a traditional evening on the tour bus of One Direction.

The next few moments went a bit like this:

“AHHHHHH!” (Me).

“Bloody fucking hell! Me shins!” (Louis).

“I think you lot broke my ear drums!” (Niall).

“Is everyone okay? Do we need first aid? Can I call an ambulance?” (Liam).

“FUCK!” (Me).

“IT’S LIKE YOU SOMEONE STABBED ME IN THE BUM!” (Louis).

“AHAHAHAH!” (Harry).

“Would you lot shut the fuck up?” (Zayn).

“Sutton, is that a candy bar sticking out of your pocket?” (Niall).

“Are you certain no one needs CPR? I’m certified!” (Liam).

“THIS IS THE WORST DAY OF ME LIFE!” (Louis).

“I THINK I BROKE MY BUM!” (Me).

“HAHAHAHA.” (Harry).

And soon enough, Louis had thrown himself on top of me, beating his fists playfully into my stomach and screaming about how I had broke pride and his shins and that I’d most certainly pay for what I had done. Niall had jumped from his bunk, scooped up the chocolate bar and stood back munching happily. Liam was trying to pull Louis away whilst Harry did nothing but laugh.

And Zayn?

He sent me a glare, as if to say, “What did I say about being quiet?” before climbing into his bunk and closing the curtain.

Asshat.

Somehow in the next few moments I ended up laying on the couch next to Louis, both of us pressing bags of frozen peas and frozen carrots to our bums and shins, respectively, of course. Louis already seemed to be over it, seeing as he claimed it was, “The bloody best prank of the tour!” and because I was “in more pain” than him.

Gentleman and a scholar.

Liam sat in the kitchen, grinning at us and yawning and opening up in MacBook. “I’m doing a live chat.” He had announced. “Care to join?”

“Nah.” Louis shook his head. “Imma take me carrots and just hit the hay. Night, Slutty Sutty.”

He patted my head like a princess fairy and skipped off to bed. Well, as well as an injured boy could. Harry had given half a wave and climbed into his own bunk, obviously exhausted. And Niall had fallen asleep on the floor, cuddled with the chocolate wrapper.