Sleepyhead

Let The Capers Ensue

You’d think that by this point there would be a method to all my madness.

A sort of fool proof system, handcrafted after years of shenanigans and crazy misadventures, sorted through trial and error and all that learn-from-your-mistakes mumbojumbo.

Maybe a nice escape plan, one filled with ropes and pulleys and a few sexy and slinky black outfits. A nice treasure map, with an X marking the spot of absolute insanity. Avoid at all costs, do not pass go, do not collect your two hundred.

But alas, there was not. 

I was still Sutton Lark: Wildcard. 

To others, and myself.

I never knew what I was going to get myself into next. 

Even one of those psychics couldn’t predict which sort of capers I’d stumble myself upon. Maybe I’d have planned for a nice evening inside with just myself and a bucket of popcorn and seven different Ryan Gosling films. Instead, I’d find myself passed out in Amsterdam, lacking my socks and my dignity. Okay, that hasn’t actually happened yet but Astrid keeps assuring me that it will and at this point, who am I to cancel anything out?

In the last few days I’ve been assaulted with a carrot, turkey slapped, attacked by a display of children’s cereals, and flashed my breasts at a might-be-gay-but-actually-is-straight boy that I work for. All in all, it’s been quite the erratic week, even for me. 

And so now, as Reed and I sat on the floor outside Tabs’ hotel room, I knew that all this was finally coming to an end. The last few days had been some of the most fucking amazing of my life and quite honestly, I didn’t want them to end. I’d made some new mates, had a couple of the best shags of my life, and I was starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel.

And by that I mean possibly-maybe a regular schedule of no-strings-attached sex. 

It’s every girl’s dream!

(Or, well, every bloke’s dream. I never said I was perfect!)

What blew the most of the whole situation, was that it was all over before it fully began. No more Fruity Pebbles sessions with Liam, no more baring my titties to Louis, no more Cockblocking Niall, no more overly flirty grinding parties with Harry, and especially no more hot as fuck fucks with Zayn. It was just me, with my bum, on a train, back to London.

Where I’d return to my flat with my roommate, who happened to have two cats, a steady boyfriend, and a strange obsession with all things rainbow. I loved Evelyn to death, we’d gone to summer camp together three years running and she just happened to be attending the same Uni as me in the fall, so things really worked out well that I’d move in with her. But she’s a bit of a nutter, and that’s saying something, coming from me.

Wait a second.

Uni.

My stomach dropped and I groaned loudly, hitting my head against the wall. 

Reed raised an eyebrow, “You okay, Sut?”

“No.” I moaned.

“What’s wrong now? Aside from the obvious that we’re about to get fired.” 

She was still a bit drunk and thus the weight of the situation obviously hadn’t hit her adorable little head. Drunk Reed is a loose and fun loving girl, always seeing the positive and hardly understanding that her life was about to be over. Oh, the ignorance of the world.

Unlike Reed, I was growing even more sober by the second. The reality of the situation quickly dragging me out of my post-fucking high. Despite the fact that I had been pleasured wonderfully not hours before, I wasn’t feeling on top of the world as usual. Rather, I was at the bottom, sticky from lake water and reeking of terrible mistakes.