The Awkward Boy.

confusion.

   I woke from my nap pretty late in the evening, I guess school had exhausted me more than I thought. I woke up to someone continuously banging on my door. I groaned loudly rolling over to see the clock that read six pm. I jumped up looking around dazed. Shadows cast from the bedroom window portraying a setting sun.
The knocking continued.

  "What?!" I said still drowsy from my nap, my voice came out rough reminding me of a certain someone. Jenna burst in unannounced looking aggravated.

  "Are you gonna make dinner or sleep all day?" Jenna asked tapping her foot impatiently. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes getting up from my bed. I grabbed an old band t shirt before going to the kitchen. I opened the fridge curious as to what mom had made for dinner. I opened a Tupperware container labeled 'dinner'. It was spaghetti that I quickly threw in the Microwave.

  After dinner I walked up the stairs and into the bathroom, looking at myself in the mirror for a few minutes. I wasn't a very vain person by any means, but I was curious. I wished I could see how the rest of the world saw me. When I looked at myself I saw a completely average boy maybe a little scrawny or pale. But on the inside I was anything but average. On the inside I was scared of everything, I was confused most of all though. Questions always flooding my mind, why was I so afraid of other people, why couldn't I just talk, why wasn't I normal, why wasn't anything I did good enough, why was everything my fault, why had my father left us? Before I had the chance to repress the thought I felt a couple tears spill from face. I looked in the mirror at my red face. I scrubbed at my eyes before I could cry anymore. I knew if I started now I wouldn't be able to stop. Repressing everything once more. I pulled off my clothes stepping into the showers cool spray.

  Sometimes I felt as if the whole world rested on top of my shoulders. Without warning, his eyes flashed behind my closed eyelids and I clenched my fists biting back tension and fear and the self loathing I felt.

   I didn't know if I would ever be normal. One part of me wanted to think  that it would all be okay the other part felt like I was dangling over a steep cliff. Whatever that meant.

After a little while of mild procrastination, I grudgingly picked up my backpack pulling out my my literature book, the only class I had homework in. I sat on my bed in my cold, empty room trying to focus on the book I was attempting to study but my mind kept wandering to him. I fought back the unwelcome thoughts like how for some reason, I found his emerald green eyes soft and tight jaw line very distracting. I replayed our conversation a lot, cringing every time at my stuttering. Finally I gave up on studying instead deciding to nuzzle up in my bed with some netflix to get everything out of my mind. It worked.

       Sorry for the short, shitty  chapter, I had a football game to play at. (I'm in band) Anyways, are you guys getting some of the ideas I was trying to portray in this entry? It reminds me faintly of supernatural where castiel goes through a period of self-loathing and feeling guilty about things he can't help?? Hey, I'm just trying to get you guys interested in some of the ideas I'm working with. Next chapter up soon. Goodbye.