CHAOTIC CHATROOM!

Only Fools and Goats

[A/N: Sorry for the long wait guys, hope you enjoy it nonetheless :-)]

[Mark entered the chatroom]
Mark: I NEED A HEROOOO! I NEED A HERO BLAH BLAH CAN'T REMEMBER THE WOOORDS!
[Jack entered the chatroom]
Jack: AND HE'S GOTTA BE HOT, AND HE'S GOTTA BE HOT, AND HE'S GOTTA BE HOTTER THAN THAT!
Mark: I don't think those are the words Jack. Hi by the way
Jack: MY HERO IS DIFFERENT TO YOURS OKAY?
Mark: But-
[Leather entered the chatroom]
Leather: wtf-
Jack: HI NICK! *grabs Leather by the jacket and drags him towards him* *clears throat* I FOUND A HERO!
Leather: *eyes widen in terror* no-
Jack: I'M HOLDING OUT FOR A HERO 'TIL THE END OF THE NIIIIGHT!
Leather: no no n-!
Jack: *hugs him tightly* HE'S GOTTA BE SURE, AND IT'S GOTTA BE SOON, AND HE'S GOTTA BE FATTER THAN LIFE-!
Mark: *exhales hard before shrieking in laughter* JACK IT'S LARGER THAN LIFE NOT FATTER X'D
Leather: 'SCUSE ME?! I'M NOT BUILT QUITE LIKE THAT! *gasping for air* I DON'T W-WANNA BE YOUR HERO ANYWAY!
Jack: *drops him* *demonically* But you must be.
Leather: O_O
Jack: You need a name
Leather: fuck off
Jack: that's not a name
Mark: *dying* xD
Jack: What about, Batman
Leather: that's taken Irishman
Jack: Superman
Leather: *sits down, trying to get breath back*
Jack: Superman? Leatherman!
Leather: stop
Mark: C-COWMAN
Leather: FUCK YOU
Mark: *hits ground laughing*
Jack: I got it! *swings arms exuberantly and smacks Nick in the face as he does so*
Leather: MMF- OW! *falls backwards*
Mark: *giggles*
Jack: YOU SHALL BE MY 'SEXYMAN'
Leather: *curls up into a ball* Why... *starts slowly rocking backwards and forwards*
Mark: *crying*
Jack: COME NOW SEXYMAN, THERE ARE GOOD DEEDS TO BE DONE!
Leather: *is forcefully dragged to feet and yanked to the left* OW- WOULD Y-
Jack: *smacks him in the face again as he whips round* SHUDDAP I CAN EAT ALL THE SUGAR I WANT MAM!
Leather: WILL YOU PLEASE FUCKING STOP HITTING ME IN THE FACE?!
Jack: *smacks him again* no
Mark: *manages to stand up* S-sexyman, d-do you give good b-blowjobs? *cracks up again*
Leather: *unamused expression* Go and rethink your life good sir *rubs side of face* This is Serb abuse you hear me?
Jack: Do you actually do good blowjobs though?
Leather: *goes to punch Jack in the face*
[Toxic catapulted into the chatroom, taking Leather out like a bowling ball of wings]
Leather: *flies through air and smacks into wall, face first, yet again* OW, I SWEAR TO GOD-! *realises head is now stuck in the wall* Ah...shit
Toxic: JACK DID HE HURT YOU?!
Jack: *hidden behind a mass of red leathery wing* *muffled* No Tox, he's my hero. He's Sexyman!
Toxic: 🙄 ...You know what...I'm not even gonna ask
Mark: *staggers towards him* IT'S A LONG STORY! *exhales hard again in laughter*
[David entered the chatroom]
David: What the hell have you done to Leather guys
Leather: *muffled* MY FUCKING FACE IS IMPLODING!
David: *looks at Mark* wow...
Mark: *sniggering*
David: *sighs, walking over to Leather* *starts gently trying to dislodge his head from the bricks*
Leather: I DON'T NEED HELP
David: Okay then *draws away*
Leather: *struggles for a few moments, then gives up, slumping onto his knees* Okay... I need help
David: Pardon? *gets phone out and presses record* Could you repeat that please?
Leather: *whiny* I NEED HELP DAVID
David: Heh heh heh *ends recording* ~Blackmail material~ *hunkers down beside Nick* Aww, was Nicky trying to be Jackyboy's hero? How adorable~
Leather: *lifts hand up and gives David the middle finger* Fuck you
David: *laughs and goes back to dislodging his head from the bricks* C'mon Leather, I gotta get my kicks in somehow right?
Leather: *muffled grunts and more cursing*
*meanwhile*
Toxic: Jaaaack, I thought I was your hero? :-(
Jack: *guiltily* Uh-
Toxic: *crosses arms* Hmph
Jack: I'M SORRY TOXY I WUV WU WEALLY!
Toxic: Hehehe
Jack: Wait, if you're my hero again since *sniffle* Leather didn't WANNA BE-
Leather: *from across the room in wall still* YOU BROKE MY BLOODY FACE!
Jack: *blatantly ignores him and sniffles again in a pathetic way* Markimoo still needs a hero
Mark: *texting Warf* Jack it's okay I found one
[Markimoo: Hey Wilford, I'm gonna call you Stache-man for a while okay?]
[Wilford: Wtf Mark]
David: *calls across to Jack in a cheeky way* Hey Jackaboy, if you have Toxic, can Leather be my hero now?
Leather: *finally yanks head out of wall, yelling in pain and falling backwards* I DON'T WANNA BE ANYONE'S HERO DAMMIT!
David: *sassily puts hands on hips, looking down at him* Well that's just rude
Leather: *crosses arms, grumpy bruised face bearing yet another unamused expression*
David: I'll let you choose your name this time
Leather: ...
David: fine, you don't want to?
Leather: >:(
David: *smirks* alright then
Leather: Hoh noon why are you looking at me like that O_O
David: Because. *picks him up by the collar* C'mon Cowman
Leather: -_- goddamnit why
[Mark left the chatroom]
Jack: WAIT NOOO MARKIMOO COME BACK! *runs after him*
Toxic: ...Jack-
Jack: MERK!
Toxic: Ja-
Jack: MARRK!
Toxic: J-
Jack: *crashes through 4th wall and keeps running* MAAAAAAAAAAAARK-
Toxic: fuck's sake *sighs* Brb technical difficulties
*TV beep and coloured bars on screen*
*Chatroom fades in with static and returns*
*Jack is now in a straightjacket in the corner being guarded by Toxic until his sugar high wears off and Leather has mysteriously disappeared*
David: where the-? *casts gaze around for him* Leather?!
*muffled voice from a nearby source* I'M NOT HERE
David: *facepalms* *walks to it and finds a wardrobe hidden in the wall* Did you just build this or something?
*from inside* ...no
David: *looks on side of wardrobe* Ikea...self assembly required *snorts, then goes to open door*
*from inside again* NO GO AWAY I DON'T WANNA BE COWMAN ANYMORE!
David: *reins laughter in, before yelling back:* LEATHER, COME OUT OF THE DAMN CLOSET *starts laughing*
*from inside* I HATE YOU
David: *falls to ground*
Toxic: *trying not to smile*
Jack: *wriggling about in straightjacket, giggling*
David: C-C'MON NOW, STOP DENYING WHO YOU REALLY ARE! x'D
*from inside* ...RIGHT. THAT'S IT.
David: *pauses in laughter* hmm?
*door is suddenly busted open and slams into David's face* *a foot swiftly appears followed by a brown trouser leg, before the tall Serbian it belongs to also exits from behind it*
Leather: *pushes glasses up nose and adjusts beret before striking a heroic pose* IF I AM TO NO LONGER DENY WHO I REALLY AM ANY LONGER... THEN. I. SHALL. BE...COWMAN.
David: *cradling nose, not sure through the pain to laugh or cry*
Toxic: *has decided to laugh, very hard* *looks down at a wriggling, hyper Irishman* Hehe, ahh. C-c'mon Jack, let's go put you in a corner until you've calmed down again
Jack: NOBODY PUTS JACKABOY IN A CORNER
Toxic: -_- Yeaah, apart from me
[Toxic drags Jack out of the chatroom]
Leather: *still in heroic pose with David curled up in foetal position on floor in front of him*
David: *kicks door with foot with a vengeance and it slams shut*
Leather: *it slams shut on his face though* GAH- WHY?! JUST FUCKING WHY?!
[Ian entered the chatroom]
Ian: Because the Universe hates you
Leather: *holding entirety of face in hand* AH! WELL, YOU...YOU'RE JUST AMERICAN. SO THERE!
Ian: You're Serbian
Leather: *screams back* I KNOW!
Ian: O_O...who gave you freaking steroids dude?
Leather: *heavy breathing* *eye twitching menacingly* Don't...don't test me.
Ian: *tentatively walks up to Leather and puts hands on his shoulder, looking into his eyes* *yells at him* WHO. HURT. YOU?
Leather: *freaks out and starts crying, flailing arm at the wardrobe in distress* J-JACK HIT MY FACE THEN THE WALL DID 'CUS TOXIC HAPPENED, AND, AND, AND THEN I LOCKED MYSELF IN AN IKEA W-WARDROBE THEN DAVID CALLED ME GAY-
David: *suddenly snorts loudly in spasmodic laughter*
Leather: *shoots a glare at him* TH-THEN THE DOOR HIT ME IN THE FACE AND NOW MY WHOLE FACE JUST HURTS.
Ian: *tries to ignore the dark bruises starting to appear all over it* ...ah...well... *gently guides Leather to a nearby chair and sits him down* You've had a very busy day then haven't you?~
Leather: *currently melting floor with impenetrable glare*
Ian: *backs away from him and goes over to David, helping him up* *whispers* You called him gay?
David: Keesh, heh, he was in the wardrobe so I told him to come out of the closet, heehee
Ian: *laughs too, then sees Leather staring intensely at him and turns it into a cough* Uh, well, that was very immature of you David
David: I know but funny right *sighs and goes over and plants self in Leather's lap* *then proceeds to drape self over him*
Leather: hello there
David: Hallo :3
Leather: *pauses, then slowly moves real close to David's ear*
David: ~Ooo, is he gonna say something romantic to me for a change? :3~
Leather: *in a husky tone of voice* You know...
Ian: *stares at them both awkwardly*
Leather: *rests hand on David's lower back, going closer to his ear* Right now, I'm really in the mood-~
David: *turns round hopefully* ...to kiss me?
Leather: To kill someone
David: RIGHTO *rapidly stands up and puts a few paces between him and Leather*
Leather: *evil smirk to self* Heheheh
Ian: *gestures to him* See, this is why you're still single
David: Well I did kiss him once but kinda suffocated him, so that could be a factor too
Leather: *counts on fingers* see, five chapters back
Ian: ...what is wrong with you people
Leather: Oh nothing much except from the fact I'M BASICALLY CONCUSSED RIGHT NOW
David: *laughs awkwardly and sits away from Leather this time*
Leather: *stares at him, a vein softly throbbing in his temple as he does so*
Ian: You sir need anger management
Leather: I need fucking something that's for sure
*cough* Guys play a game *cough*
Ian: 0_0 um...who said that?
David: *happily* What game?
*cough* Goat Simulator *cough*
Leather: *yells up at ceiling* WOMAN, GET YOURSELF SOME WATER AND A COUGH DROP DAMMIT
SHUDDUP.
Leather: >:(
Ian: Goat Simulator?
David: Sounds good to me, let's go!
Leather: *eyes widen* WAIT NO NO I DON'T WANNA GO ANYWHERE MY FACE MIGHT GET HIT AGAIN-!
[User_Location was changed.]
[Goat Simulator loading... Loading... Loading...]
[Simulation complete.]
It's a peaceful day in Goat Bay. Birds are singing, flowers are blooming- wait what.
The city's inhabitants go about their daily business'. The sea gently laps at the sands. The windmills on the hill turn in the breeze. All is well-
IrishG: TOP O' THE MORNIN' TO YAH GOATS *leaps up onto rocky crag* C'MEN MARKIMOO!
Okay nevermind.
FloofG: AGH! *slips down into road, neck spiralling out of control* MY NECK! WHAT THE HELL-? *gets hit by truck and shoots across bay* AHHHHHHH
IrishG: ...ouch. OH BTW GUYS GUESS WHO'S STILL ON THEIR SUGAR HIGH? *runs round in circles making noises with tongue* PPPLLLPPPPBPPPHHTTFF
BlondeG: *also running around but singing at the top of his lungs*
LeatherG: *hat resting on horns* I hate this place already. And my face still hurts.
BlondeG: *blurs past him* AW C'MON NICKY YOU'RE ALWAYS SO NEGATIVE *legs glitch into ground and he faceplants it*
LeatherG: *laughs evilly at the sight*
IrishG: ... *leaps down beside Leather* You actually look alright as a goat
[FireG entered the server]
FireG: *struts over, horns aflame* Hello there ladies-~ *flies backwards as FloofG slams into him* *girly Scottish scream*
LeatherG: ...like I said. I hate this place already.
[ShrapG entered the server]
ShrapG: *turns and stares at FireG glitching out all over the ground* Why the fuck is Firestarter's neck stuck in the cliff? *looks at LeatherG* Oh hi bro
LeatherG: Hello -_-
FireG: ABBLAABBLAABBLAA
BlondeG: *stands beside him* Because Goat Simulator
FloofG: Ok so what now. Who even invited us onto this server?
IrishG: What now Mark? Well, now *screams, throwing head around* WE WRECK SHIT *runs into road and gets hit by truck*
LeatherG: O_O
ShrapG: ...LEL. Hey bro, hey bro. Bro. Bro. Br-
LeatherG: WHAT.
ShrapG: Heheheh, guess what... You're my, you're 'mah G' now *starts cracking up*
LeatherG: *stares at him* I'm so disappointed in you Shrapnel
BlondeG: *looks at LeatherG* *smirks* Y'know what goats do in mating season?
LeatherG: O_O Oh noooon he's smirking everyone RRRRRUN *starts leaping up cliff* SCREW THIS, CATAPULT SAVE ME *jumps into it*
BlondeG: *gets in beside him*
FloofG: *watches with ShrapG* This should be funny
LeatherG: Nothing's happening...
BlondeG: Maybe we're carrying too much weig- AAAAAHHHHHHAHAHAHAHA *catapult activates*
FloofG: *slowly moves head, watching them fly across the sky*
ShrapG: They'll be gone quite some time I should think *trots over to FireG* You done glitching yet?
FireG: ABBLAABBLAABBLAA- SHRAPNEL HELP ME- ABBLAABBLAABBLAA
ShrapG: ...why? This is pretty entertaining *sits down and watches him whilst grinning evilly*
FloofG: *sigh* Looks like I'd better go see where Jack landed *trots off towards the city, shaking his floofy curls out of his eyes*
---
IrishG: *stands up in middle of high street* Ooo. Hey there lady-! *nudges woman and watches as she flies backwards* 0_O...guess I won't be makin' many friends here then... *whips round* MARKIMOO! *runs at Floof*
FloofG: *eyes widen* WAIT WAIT JACK NO-!
*they collide and instantly glitch out, flying away across the bay*
FloofG: JACK WHY
IrishG: *spinning round in circles* WEEEEEEE!
FloofG: *attempt at facehoof* I blame you
---
*a blonde goat and a brown goat spin past an office window, one shrieking about how much their face hurts and how much they hate everything and the other laughing and doing somersaults*
Random Office Worker: *sees this and spits coffee out in shock*
BlondeG: *waves to office people* HALLO!
LeatherG: *spinning uncontrollably* MY FACE HURTS. MY BROTHER MAKES BAD JOKES. I NEED TO PUNCH SOMETHING BUT ALL I HAVE NOW ARE DAMN HOOVES. MY FACE HURTS.
BlondeG: You already said that
LeatherG: GAH, WHATEVER-
*both hit the water in the bay with a huge splash*
---
ShrapG: *pokes FireG's head with hoof as it disappears in and out of the ground* Hey guess what Fire
FireG: ABALLALABABABABA- WHAT?! ABALALALAABABABA-
ShrapG: You're really stupid
FireG: -_- why
ShrapG: 'Cus you coulda just hit refresh ages ago and stopped glitching  :3
FireG: GODDAMNIT SHRAP I HATE Y- *games crashes*
ShrapG: *cracks up* beautiful *gets up and goes looking for someone else to torment*
---
IrishG: *surfaces and clambers up onto tarmac again, shaking self off* Mark?
FloofG: *bolts out of the water beside him, showering him in water droplets once again*
IrishG: ...thanks
LeatherG: *standing in front of IrishG* *stares at him, then extends a hoof and goes to push him back into the water*
IrishG: Nick. Nick I swear to God so help me I'll hit you in the face again
LeatherG: *pushes him in anyway*
IrishG: *smacks him in the face as he falls*
BlondeG: *trots past them all, a lollipop sticking out of the side of his mouth* There are advantages to being able to break into sweet shops :3
LeatherG: *has millions of cities now burning in his eyes in barely concealed fury*
BlondeG: *pauses beside him and taps his shoulder tentatively* Urm, Nick you okay?
LeatherG: *whips round and suddenly leaps on him* NO I AM NOT OKAY!
BlondeG: AHHHH!
ShrapG: *walks past them, looking up and seeing a helicopter overhead* Hmm, I wonder... *unleashes long tongue, attaching himself to the back* *hoofs start being dragged along the tarmac* OpO wait wait wait I-! *is torn from the ground and shot up into the air* HEAAAAAAAALP-!
FloofG: *watches him fly off, then looks at Leather and David now fighting on the ground* ...y'know, it would be nice just to be able to have a nice, normal, family-fun day out every now and again...y'know...
IrishG: OOOO LOOK A TANK!
FloofG: O_O WAIT JACK NO COME BACK!
LeatherG: *gets up and sees tank* ... *starts grinning* hey David I got an idea
BlondeG: *lying on floor* Oh God I hate it when you say things like that *gets up with difficulty and canters lopsidedly after him* Nick wait up!
LeatherG: *turns round and steals his lollipop before pushing him over and wriggling him up onto his back before running off again*
BlondeG: Ow ow ow- *flies up into the air before landing on Leather's back again* ow! Nick slow- OW- down please!
IrishG: *gets into tank and closes lid on it* YEAAAAAAH
FloofG: *stares at it* ...nope. NOPENOPENOPENOPE! *leaves server*
IrishG: *from inside* Pssh, wussy
LeatherG: *jumps up onto tank* GET OUT OF MY TANK
IrishG: *pops head out of lid* HEY, I SAW IT FIRST. GO GET YOUR OWN.
BlondeG: *going to sleep on his back* zzz
LeatherG: OH YEAH 'CUS THERE'S JUST LOADS OF TANKS AROUND HERE ISN'T THERE? *the loud sound of a helicopter flying overheard suddenly cuts off the conversation* what the-?
ShrapG: *inside the cockpit* EVERYONE RUN I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO FLY THIS THING
LeatherG: you've gotta be kidding me
BlondeG: *sleepily* haha, kid...kidding me...'cus we're...goats
LeatherG: *facehoof* oh for fuck's sake David
IrishG: ...aw crap *tries to get out of the tank* LEATHER HELP ME
LeatherG: *slowly lowers hoof to stare at him* No. You broke my fucking face, suffer. *promptly shuts lid on him* *laughs* Ah, being bitter and twisted is so much easier than being nice in life *jumps off with the now asleep BlondeG still on his back and starts running away from the tank*
ShrapG: *tries to steer but only has hoofs* *slaps joystick with one and helicopter rapidly dips down and starts screaming towards the tank on the ground* *blinks* well...that worked
IrishG: *slams lid open just in time to see the helicopter spiralling downwards to hit him* Oh for the love of goat-
[Goat Simulator server crashed (let's just say that)]
---
*back in the chatroom*
Jack: *hits ground on feet*
Mark: *hit ground on butt* Ow
David: *hits ground on front* Oof
Leather: *hits ground face first* FOR GOD'S SAKE I HATE EVERYTHING
*everyone else cracks up laughing*
Ian: *leans down with hands on knees to Leather* Haha. *sarcastically* Did you enjoy yourselves then?
Leather: *sits upright, livid with anger* I'll kill you all. O_O
[Chatroom disabled]

[A/N: Thanks for reading dudes, - I know it was pretty disjointed in some parts but I was just going with the flow and wanted to get the goat simulator bit in that was requested a while back, so yeah. Poor Leather, that's all I'm gonna say xD Hope you enjoyed it and I'll see you guys around :-) Squeaker, out! *tomska salute*]