Love is Intricate (KimXi)

Chapter 9: Trying Again

Kim's Point of View

My heart stopped. Alam kong sa kanya to galing. Paulit-ulit kong binasa yung "Good morning Kimmy <3" note niya. Hindi mawala sa isip ko na galing to sa kanya. What was the "Kimmy" thing for? What was the "<3" for? What was he trying to say to me?

Binaba ko ulit yung mga bulaklak sa desk ko. Pero hindi lang pala bulaklak ang iniwan niya, may nakita akong dalawang envelope. One was pink and the other was blue. The pink envelope looked familiar. So I took it and immediately knew what it was. This was one of my letters to Xian. One of the letters I wrote to him when I was in Europe. Without considering what else could happen and where else it could go, I opened it.

Letter #1

Dear Xian,

At this point, I'm already in Europe and I'm alone. It's my first day here, and it's really beautiful. You were a witness to my fangirling over Paris and France, right? If you could see me now, Xian, I tell you, it's nothing compared to that fangirling. My heart is jumping in joy just seeing how beautiful everything is here. I can stay here forever. But I have to admit that I miss home and the people in it, which ofcourse, includes you. You guys are still my home.

Anyway, I'm writing just to check up on you. How are you? Are you happy that I ended it first? Are you disappointed I ruined your plan? What's up with you?

Anyway, I apologize for publicly embarrassing you during our last encounter. I'm sorry. I should've broken up with you somewhere else. I know. But when I saw you, Xian, I felt like you were taking me away from the world. And you shouldn't be doing that. But then I realized that I allowed you to enter my life and you crept in and you took me captive. So it's basically my fault. I'm sorry for not stopping the car. I saw you running and shouting, going after me. But during that moment, I thought about how much pain you've caused me. And that pain outweighed my love for you.

Xian, is it wrong that I'm hopeful? I know how corny and stupid and foolish you think my letters probably are. But I feel that this way, it will be more meaningful than just sending you emails or messageing you in facebook. I feel that the pen and paper thing is more significant than the whole idea of cyberspace. Anyway, back to the point, is it wrong that I'm hopeful? Is it wrong for me to wish that I was just wrong about you and that you really love me? Please tell me it's not.

As of now, I know I'm risking everything again. Because I love you, Xian, and that's the truth. I never thought I would fall for the bad guy who played with the hearts of girls, but I did. I love you, and I can't change that. Or atleast, not yet. A part of me wants to just forget and move on, you know? But a big part of me just can't let go of you, Xian. Because I really love you. And I want to think that you love me too. That's why I'm writing to you in the first place.

I can't tell you how tempted I am to just go back there and get back with you. I know, it sounds desperate. But that's how you know I love you.

I miss everything there, but my love for you beats it all. I miss the stargazing. I miss the dates in McDonald's. I miss last-minute weekend get-aways. I miss you. And I guess that's really what I'm just trying to say.

I'm still waiting for a phone call or a text or your sudden appearance. Is that too much to ask to know what you really felt about us? I hope it's not.

I love you, Xian. No matter how much I want to deny it, I love you.

P.S. Take care of yourself for me <3

Love,

Your Kimmy

Yeah, this was my letter all right. This was the first letter to him while I was there. It was the letter that made me cry all night, just hoping he would write back. But things didn't go the way I wanted and I learned the hard way. I guess life is just being unfair to me, like it always is.