Second Chances

Chapter 6

Chapter 6:

The next day I was making breakfast when I heard a knock at my door.

I opened the door slowly to see Ross standing there with his hands in his pocket. A smile filled his face as the door swung open.

"What are you doing here?" I asked more shocked then anything.

"I thought I'd stop by and see what you're doing today."

"Well come in."

I moved out of the way so he could step inside.

"I wish I knew you were coming."

"Sorry it was kinda split second. I've been up awhile at the studio and wanted to see you."

A huge smile erupted on his face and his eyes were so clear.

"We'll I was just making breakfast. Do you want anything?"

"No I'll just sit with you, if that's ok?"

"Yeah that's fine."

I turned to walk back to the kitchen. I finished cooking my eggs and put them on a plate and sat down at my small round kitchen table across from Ross. He watched me eat and was checking his phone. He glanced up at me eating and chuckled to himself.

"What?" I asked cautiously.

"You're just cute." He said smirking

"Why?"

"I don't know you just look cute today."

"I just woke up twenty minutes ago, I look like a wreck."

He just smiled and laughed at my remark.

"So what are we gonna do after this?" I quickly changed the subject

"Watch a movie. Or we could just talk."

"We could just watch tv. It's a little early for a movie."

"Ok. Sounds good."

He stood up and walked into the living room and picked up a blanket and sat down on the couch. I sat in the chair across the room. His face looked sad.

"Come sit by me." He said almost whining

"Ross, I have a boyfriend." Why did I just say that?

His facial expression was hard to read and he just stared at me like he was studying me. It made me uncomfortable.

"I know" he finally spoke breaking the silence but his words sounded like he was choking on them.

Something in me got up and walked over to him sitting next to him. Maybe i felt bad. I rested my back to the arm restand faced him with my feet curled up next to me.

"So what do you wanna talk about?" I asked. The sudden turn in seriousness on his face made me worry.

"Help me understand." He faked a smile.

"Understand what?" I knew what he was talking about but I don't know the answer.

"Why you let him ignore you."

I took a deep breath and stared at my hands.

"It's complicated."

"Brooke please." He whispered. "I don't know why I care so much I guess. You're different. I really like you and if you were happy with this guy, I'd leave it alone. But you're not. You know it and so do I. You deserve to be happy.

I didn't look up from my hands. Why did he have to be right? I wanna trust him so much. But It's silly, I barely know him.

"He's the only guy who's ever genuinely liked me." I felt the lump in my throat growing and I hated myself for that. Why did I tell him?

"What about me?" He stared at my face but I couldn't bare to look up at him.

"I barely know you."

He looked hurt. He stood up and started walking.

"Where are you going?" I looked up to see him reaching for the door

"I'm sorry but its killing me. I know you feel it too. We connected. You know it too but you won't admit it because he's got you blinded." His voice got louder with every word. Then he stopped. "I should go" he whispered.

I watched his hand grasp the door handle and the door closed. I burried my face in my hands and the tears filled my eyes. I wanted to scream. Why do I care what he thinks? Because he's right.

I picked up my phone and called Jason. The phone rang and rang. No answer. I choked back my tears and when I heard the beep, I took a breath.

"Hey I really need to talk to you, it's important. Call me back as soon as possible please."

I hung up the phone and wiped my eyes. I stared at Ross's name in my contacts. I put down my phone and went to take a shower. I needed a distraction, something to clear my head.

I stepped out of the shower, I just stared at myself in the mirror and then went to get dressed. Some pink jean shorts, an old t-shirt and tied my hair in a pony tail. I looked at my phone. One text message from Jason.

"Hey Brooke, I need to talk to you also. I think we need a break. I'm sorry I've been meaning to tell you."

I just stared at the words on the screen. I didn't know how to react. I wanted to be mad but I didn't have the energy anymore. I laid my phone on the table and picked up a pillow and screamed. The tears came back to my eyes. I picked my phone back up and texted Jason back.

"We're done. There are no breaks. You're either in or out"

Almost instantly he texted back, "out"

I paced into the kitchen and sat on the floor. I felt dizzy. I had been fighting my feelings for Ross and done nothing but love Jason and now he does this? He never loved me. He never cared. He practically played me. I hadn't felt this way in so long. Not this broken and worthless. Every tear was followed by a gasp of air. I felt like I was slipping away. I remembered the last time I felt this way and I slid the bracelets on my arm up and ran my fingers over the old scars and paced into the bathroom. I stared at my face; the razor blade in my hand. I picked up my phone and texted Ross

"I need you. You were right."

No reply. I looked back up at my red puffy eyes. Closed them and held my breath.

The sting hurt at first but the red that slipped down the sink felt better. I plunged my hands into ice cold water and gasped through the tears as the water turned red.

A/N: sorry this chapter gets a tad "dark" self harm and depression are topics that I think are important and the emotion is powerful.