Second Chances

Chapter 7

Chapter 7

I woke up the next morning. I guess I had fallen asleep on the bathroom floor I stood up and tried to remember what happened but I didn't have to try to hard. I looked down at my wrists, they were sore and red. I got a wash rag and wiped up any blood on the floor and washed my face. I couldn't bare to look at myself in the mirror. I stripped out of my clothes and rinsed off in the shower. Threw on some old jean shorts and a baggy crew neck sweater making sure to pull the sleeves over my wrists. I opened the door and found my phone in the hall on the floor. 6 missed calls from Ross and 14 texts. I immediately regretted ever texting him. Now I had to come up with a cover story. What was I gonna do now? What should I tell Ross?

All the texts were just short things asking if I was ok, begging me to answer my phone, and him being concerned. I stumbled into the kitchen and made some toast. I picked up some things and straightened up. My phone rang and I wasn't gonna pick up, until I saw Kayla's picture on the screen.

"Hey" I said. A natural smile burst from my lips. It felt good to forget about everything that happened and talk to kayla.

"Hey" she said a little quietly.

"What's up?" I said as I buttered my toast.

"I just wanted to make sure you were ok." She spoke as if she was walking on thin ice and might fall through any second.

"I'm fine, why?

"Well Jason just changed his status online to single."

I rolled my eyes and then looked out the window.

"Yeah I'm fine. It just kinda surprised me but I suppose it is hard being so far away." I hated myself for making excuses for him but I had to sound like I had it together.

"Ok I just wanted to make sure. How is it out there?"

"It's gorgeous but don't worry I'm still coming home for Christmas."

"Can't wait" she said. I imagined her smiling. "Ok well I should go."

"Me too" I said as my smile disappeared.

"Bye"

"Bye"

I set down the phone. I should really call Ross. But I didn't wanna talk over the phone. I picked up my phone and shot him a text. "Are you busy today?"

"Are you okay? Can I come over? I need to see you."

"Yeah I need to see you too"

Thirty minutes later there was a knock on my door. I opened it to see Ross standing there looking terrified.

"What happened last night?" He blurted out

"I'm sorry I shouldn't have texted you like that."

"I was worried sick. Why didn't you answer your phone?" He sounded mad

"I'm sorry I fell asleep"

"You fell asleep?" He said sarcastically. He didn't believe me.

"Can we sit down and talk?" I walked around him to the couch and he followed.

"Last night after you left I tried to call Jason and he didn't answer then he texted me that he wanted to break up." I waited for him to react but he didn't.

"I'm sorry" he stared into my eyes so intensely I had to look down.

"I had a moment of weakness" I pushed my hair up with my hands "I texted you and that wasn't fair of me." He stared at my arm and by the time I figured out what had happened I went to pull my sleeve back down but he grabbed my arm.

"Brooke" was all he managed to stutter before he pushed up my sleeves and stared at the cuts. He ran his fingers gently over the new cuts.

Tears brimmed my eyes. I usually covered them with make up but it'd been so long since I cut last that I forgot my old habits. I pulled my arms back and yanked down my sleeves. His eyes shot up to my face. I used the sleeves to wipe my tears that I was fighting back.

"Brooke" he repeated himself as almost a plea before he scooted closer and wrapped his arms around me and rocked me back and forth.

I couldn't hold back the tears anymore. I hadn't cried this much in a 24 hour period since freshman year of high school. I don't even remember why I started crying. Maybe because it felt good to finally let someone in to my deepest secret. Things even Kayla never knew. Maybe it's because I was scared he might leave now that he knew.

His shirt was practically soaked before I caught my breath.

"Why Brooke?" He whispered as he kissed the top of my head.

I started to cry again. Not as hard but still. The lump in my throat grew and I started choking for air.

"Brooke listen ok, this hasn't changed how I feel about you. I understand if you're not ready for a relationship right now but I'm not going anywhere. That's a promise."

I nodded my head and wiped my eyes. I stopped crying. He just starred at me. The look of pain filled his face.

"Sorry about your shirt." His face split into a smile.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" His voice was quiet and steady.

I took a breath and rolled my eyes up to the ceiling and wiped my eyes. I clenched my fists around the ends of my sleeves. And stared at my fists clenched.

"I'm not even sure where to start."

"Start anywhere."

"Ok. Umm well the first time I cut was in sixth grade. My friends started leaving me out. School got hard. Things at home weren't exactly easy and it got overwhelming. My innocent little world of being a kid was slowly being shattered. But the tip of the ice berg was in Phy. Ed. a kid called me fat in front of the whole gym class."

I glanced up at Ross's face and he wasn't looking at me anymore. He stared at the ground with his head in his hands.

"It was one cut. I knew it was bad and I hated hiding it so I promised myself never again. Then in ninth grade similar situations occurred and I hated myself more then before. I felt alone in my group of friends and things at home got hard again. Money was tight and every day i was sure my patents were one day closer to divorce. I cut once more on each wrist. I liked the idea that the scars represented each time I had survived a rough patch. I thought that the scars would make me stronger. But through out the year I cut again, and again and again. Next thing I knew I had 10 scars on my wrists. It was a way for me to be in control of the pain I was feeling inside. But when the cutting stopped I didn't feel in control again but instead of cutting again I wanted to prove people wrong. So I started eating less and less to lose weight. I thought that'd change things somehow. It gave me the same sense of control and it did work but it was harder to hide. But I managed to hide it. Once I lost most of the weight and learned how dangerous it was I stopped. Because I stopped I thought I had it controlled. Last night was a moment of weakness."

The room was silent as I waited for Ross to say something. He didn't move.

"I'm sorry" I whispered fighting back tears again.

He sniffles and I realized he'd been crying. He wiped his eyes and looked up at me. It felt like someone punched me in my stomach . Why did I tell him? Look what I did to him.

"Promise me something?" He asked wiping his eyes again

"Ok what?" I said with my eyes focused on his.

"Next time you feel like cutting call me and keep calling. If I don't answer call Riker. Ok? Please don't cut ever again."

"Ok" I whispered biting my bottom lip to keep it from quivering.

"And Brooke, you're here now, I'm not going anywhere. The past is past and you're safe now. If you need someone to talk to I'm right here."

"Thank you."

He stretched out his arms for me to hug him. I scooted closer and wrapped my arms around his chest as he whispered, "Brooke, they were wrong."

I felt a few last tears slide down my cheek. The words I never dreamed I'd one day hear were now falling from his lips.