If Only You Knew (#Wattys2016)

Chapter Three

             "BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!"

             I  groaned and rolled over, groping for my iPhone. Finally, I found it and slapped the screen repeatedly until the alarm finally turned off. I propped myself up and rubbed my eyes, looking around my room. Nothing new, nothing unusual. Then I remembered and my heart skipped a beat. Today was the first day back to school since winter break. It would be the first day of school all over again, and it would be the first time without Avery. A lump formed in my throat.   It had been 2 weeks since her funeral and every last detail was still fresh in my mind. 

            As I was mulling over these thoughts I lost track of time. I hurriedly slid out of bed and spread out the comforter, fluffed the pillows, and arranged the decorative toss pillows. I threw open my closet doors and started searching for a cute outfit to wear. After a few minutes of looking through my messy closet I produced a cute oversized red sweater, dark skinny jeans, a pretty creme scarf, and brown boots. I picked up my iPhone and habitually opened the camera app to take a picture to send to Avery, then I stopped. Avery had always been a bit of a tomboy, she never cared that much about clothes. But she had style, and I always consulted her on important outfit choices. I sighed and tossed my iPhone on my bed. I wanted so badly to stay home in bed and cry out all my emotions but I couldn't, I had to put on a happy face and go to school. A big public school. With hundreds of kids. All asking about where Avery was. I couldn't do it... no I could! The little voices in my head fought as I made my way over to my little vanity.

          Avery always scorned my love of makeup, but putting on makeup made me happy. It made me feel like an artist, and my face a canvas. I can change who I am entirely. I can make myself another skin color, another nationality. I can control how I look, how my face is structured. Or I could use makeup how its normally supposed to be used, which was a gift in itself in my opinion. I moisturized my face and put on a little concealer. Then I set it all with powder, added some definition to my eyes with natural eye shadow, and completed my look with mascara and lip tint. A simple look for a big day. Avery told me I didn't need to wear makeup to look beautiful, and I shouldn't stoop so low as to wear makeup just to impress him. I never wear makeup to "make myself  more beautiful" but I guess I think about him when I put it on in the morning. 'Maybe I'll see him in the store,' I'll wonder 'maybe today he'll notice my eyes'  I'll think. I try to impress him, but like I'm like a drop of water in his eye. He'll never notice me, because I'm too close to him to see.