Finding My Family **ON HOLD**

Ch 9: Doubt

Nathan POV

"Urrgh" I groan from the effort it takes to haul my father into his bed after he passed out from drinking and fell in the pool. Kota is here helping me and even between the two of us it was difficult to carry the dead weight.

"You okay?" Kota asks. I think about my answer for a second. Am I okay? I'm better than how I felt yesterday when my father went on a drunken rage and roughed me up after finding a few dirty dishes in the sink that I was going to clean when I got back from school. If I had known he was going to show up a day early I would have washed them the night before to avoid this.

I hated having to go to school today with the bruises on my face. I never really cared before. It's happened often enough and usually never around my face so I could cover them up. But that was before Sang. I was embarrassed, because I didn't want her to see me like that. I want her to believe I'm strong and capable; her hero. Even though I'm a lot bigger than my father now and I've learned how to defend myself I just can't seem to fight against him. Something in my brain stops me. I'm not allowed to hit my parent, just take the beatings and do better next time.
I'll wash the dishes right after I eat....he won't catch me off guard again.

"Yeah, Kota. I'm fine, thanks for your help." I tell him with pat on the shoulder. I hear him mumble "anytime" as I walk out of the master bedroom.  Back out in the kitchen I pull out my laptop, I figure Kota can just stay here for the Skype meeting we are having with all the guys. Kota takes a seat next to me and the silence lingers. It's always like this after he helps me with my dad. I guess he doesn't know what to say, I wish he would just ignore it and talk about anything like any other normal day.

"He's not leaving until Friday. That's why I couldn't keep the Thursday date with Sang." I just throw this out there in hope of starting some sort of conversation.

"He still won't let you date?"  

"It's not that exactly. He just says the nastiest things sometimes. Always putting me down, saying I'm going to get a girl pregnant or something. It doesn't really make dating appealing when I'm constantly reminded of the things he's said to me. I haven't had much luck with the girls I date anyways."

"Danielle? Tara?"

"Don't remind me! What was I thinking?!" I groan and rub my hands over my face. I always pick the wrong girls to date. My casual summer flings have been better choices. But I've always wanted something more permanent. That's why I tried with the girls from school...bad move on my part.

"You wanted a girlfriend, don't beat yourself up over it. There is no way you would've known one was a crazy stalker and the other a self absorbed loud mouth." Kota teases.

"Sang is nothing like that." I pause wanting to say more, but not really knowing how to put it so I just go for it. "Don't you think this is a little weird?"

"Yeah it is, but I really like Sang and if this is what she wants. I'm willing to try."

"But we are all going to be kissing the same girl. She's going to make out with one of us then later with another dude. And when we start sleeping with her it will be like--"  

Kota cuts me off before I can finish my thought, "Whoa!! Whoa...stop. Nathan, I can't even think about that stuff." He takes in a deep breath, "Just don't talk about her like that, or the whole thing. I need to keep it all separate."

"Separate?" I question him while he counts under his breath. He only answers me once he has finished at 60. "Yes, I can't think about the other guys being with her. Especially like that. So in my mind I'm her boyfriend."