Broken Silence

Chapter 18: Tension

He froze, and his eyes widened as he processed what he had confessed.

"I-I mean... like a-a friend, of course." I didn't know what to do, but he looked so lost at that moment I couldn't help feel my heart hurt for him. Even he didn't believe his words. "Don't look at me like that! You're no better yourself. You went through life like a hermit; stuck in your own little world I bet. You can't even talk."

His eyes hardened cruelly.

"You can't even talk. Why would he choose a mute like you?"

He wasn't wrong. His words stung, but he wasn't wrong. He scoffed and turned around with a curse.

"I hate you Noelle. I hate you so much. So fucking much." His voice broke.

In some strange way, I understood him. I knew what heartbreak felt like and understood the desperation that came with it. I let my body lead my actions; wrapping my arms tightly around his waist, I held him.

"Let. Me. Go. Noelle, let me go." He tried prying my hands off of him, but something told me to hold on. He had the strength to pull me off, but wasn't trying hard enough. He struggled just a little more, but then slowly stopped.

His body suddenly relaxed and his head fell back, taking deep shuddering breaths. I had taken these breaths enough times before to know what was happening. On the fourth breath, he brought his hands to his face and ran them up into his hair as if he were tired. When he lightly touched my hands, I loosened my hold and he turned around to face me. His eyes were red, one last tear running down his cheek.

I hesitantly reached and wiped it away. His brown eyes met mine as he let me fix his hair, his mouth set in a sad frown. Then, his eyes filled with tears again, he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close as he sobbed against me. His legs gave out and I followed him to the ground, kneeling in front of him as he held on to me. He rested his forehead on my shoulder, his body shaking and his hands gripping the back of my shirt.

"I'm so stupid." He was whispering between his sobs. "I'm so stupid."

I ran my palm down his hair and rubbed his back, trying to calm him down.

"I'm terrified. I've... held that in for so long. I'm terrified." He sniffed pulling away and wiping his face, looking away from me. "I haven't even told my parents, yet. Oh god, they'll kill me. They'll hate me. They'll disown me."

I softly grabbed his chin and made him face me as I shook my head 'no'. I took a deep breath and softly let it out, indicating him to follow suit. He did.

He slowly calmed down and looked at the ground.

"Thank you." He looked up at me, and chuckled. "Of all people, why would I confess that to you?"

I gave him a small smile and shrugged.

"Can I... tell you one more thing then?" He asked, his voice barely audible, as if he was scared someone might overhear in the alleyway. I nodded.

"It's... not just been him. I think... I've always been... attracted to guys." He smiled. "It feels really good to get that off my chest."

I smiled and fixed his hair again.

"I'm sorry for what I said earlier. I was angry. I was, you know, speaking out of spite. I still kind of hate you, don't get me wrong... but now, um, at least you know why."

He sighed. "I've tried to deny it for so long, Noelle. There isn't anyone openly... you know...gay," he whispered, "in school. I don't know how people might react. How the team might react." He choked and paused to regain his breath.