Unremitting Love

Chapter 4

Silence.

Rain pelts the windows, and the lightening fills the room, flickering through the windows. The thunder shakes the house. Basil lays under the coffee table with Jax.

And we're all quiet, waiting.

Nobody is leaving until he speaks.

We all miss Daniel, and so, we're going to wait.

He's having a hard time. He'll randomly sigh and walk out of the room, and he'll come back.

He sighs again, walking out, running his fingers through his hair.

I shut my eyes, shaking my head.

He comes back a couple minutes later, sitting back down.

It's quiet again.

He's sitting up now, his elbows on his knees, his hands clasped, and he's staring down.

He takes a deep breath.

"If we had gotten married in March like I wanted, I'd probably be dead." He whispers.

Everyone looks at him. He's not looking up.

He shakes his head, letting out a breath of disbelief.

"What, like sixty days?" he shakes his head. "It's a sixty day difference between my life and death. Or, what if she was in the car with me? I'd be dead."

He shakes his head.

"What do you mean?" I whisper.

He shuts his eyes, burying his head in his hands. I rub his back, kissing my shoulder. I rest my chin on his right shoulder, my left hand rubbing his back, my right hand on his knee.

"If we got married in March like I wanted, you wouldn't have been my power of attorney, my parents would have. They'd have pulled the plug, and I'd be dead."

Oh shit.

"I don't-" he bites his lip. "I feel like I can't trust anyone. I'm scared to speak. I'm scared to move. I'm scared to leave the house. What if I get into another accident and something happens to Aubrey? I would die. You guys just...just gave up. The only person I feel like I can trust is Aubrey."

"Daniel, that doctor, with a medical background, was saying you weren't going to wake up." Mrs. Schmitt whispers. "What were we supposed to think?"

"I don't know. I don't know." He sounds so frustrated. "All I know, is you guys gave up on me." he says. "And now I'm scared to get hurt again. I'm scared to go to the shop. I'm scared to look under the hood of a car. I'm scared. And I'm angry at every single one of you, including Aubrey, because I got into that damn accident, and even though she didn't think anything would happen, she let them fucking unplug me, and my heart stopped. What if it didn't' restart? I'm angry you guys made the wrong decision. I'm angry, and I don't know how to be myself, because I don't know how to be around the people that make me who I am." He stands up.

I shut my eyes.

"Daniel." I say. He's halfway out of the room. He turns, looking at me. "You're human." I say. "it's alright to be angry. It's alright to have a meltdown. Don't...don't unpack and live there." I sigh, shaking my head. "Cry it out and refocus."

Silence.

"You know who else is human?" I ask.

He shoves his hands in his pockets, waiting.

"All of us." I sigh. "We're human Daniel. We do what we can. When you're sitting there, and, and you're watching somebody just lay there-" I cut off. "The feeling, it's unimaginable. So all you can do is hope. But when the clock ticks, and everyone around you is telling you to give up, it's hard not to." I stand up. "There's nobody in the whole world who is made to handle everything that's throw at them. We aren't made that way. God didn't make us that way. We're made to cry, and panic, and fight, and yell, and to get upset, and get mad, and be scared, and be hurt and stumble, and fall. We're not made to handle everything."