Coffee and Cigarettes

Helpless

     There's a warning for this chapter!
I don't mean to offend anyone with anything and I'm sorry if I do.
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And hey... Thanks™
~Cecil

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

James Madison was alone for the first time in years.
      He couldn't believe it.
Thomas Jefferson, his best friend that was by his side everyday way before he was his boyfriend, was gone.
And it was all his fault.
James paced back and forth, trying to calm down from the fight that he had just had with Thomas and desperately trying to push the memories down.
"I didn't need your help!" James cried. "I never needed your help! Why couldn't you just have... Left me alone?!"
Thomas moved forward to the shorter of the two and sighed.
"I know you're upset with me but.. James, please. I couldn't have just left you there," he insisted, reaching out and gently stroking the bruises that covered the other's face. "...Jemmy I-"
"Don't call me that," Madison hissed, flinching back.
"I'm sorry, James... I'm sorry..."
     "Sorry doesn't fix the fact that you just destroyed my relationship with my family!" James shoved Jefferson away as he attempted to hug him.
     Thomas stumbled back and gaped a bit.
      "Your relationship..." he added emphasis on the wording. "With your family was... Was abuse, James! Look at you, you're a mess of wounds and bandages under that sweater... I just wanted to help you-"
     James glared and balled his hands into fists, seeing Thomas do the same.
      "I didn't need your help!"
      "-yes you did-!" Thomas interjected, moving forwards.
     "I don't need you treating me like I can't-"
     "-James you can't!-"
     "I can! I don't need-"
      "-you do! You needed me to!-"
     "I did not! If you would have just fucking let me-"
     "-You were hurt and scared and-!"
     "I don't need it!"
     "-Jemmy, you did!-"
      "I don't need you!"
      Both of the two froze.
     James' hands flew up to cover his mouth and he backed away from Thomas, who balled his hands into fists.
"I... Tried to.. Protect you," Thomas hissed, glaring at the other and making him flinch. "I tried keeping you safe but I guess you didn't need that, right? You don't need me."
"Tommy, wait, please, I-"
"Don't you fucking call me that!" Jefferson grabbed James by his sweater and pulled him close. Madison simply squeaked and shifted in the grip. "I've been your best friend for ten goddamn years and you don't need me anymore. I get it-- you don't want me around anymore."
"No! That's not what I meant-"
"Then what did you mean?! Because that's what it fucking seems like!"
James fell silent and Thomas shoved him away, scoffing.
"Goddamn-- fine. Fine, fair enough. I thought we were okay, I thought I made things right and that you forgave me but fine!" he laughed bitterly. "You know what?"
"Thomas, I-I swear that's not--" James tried, moving towards the other, but was cut off again.
"Fuck you, Madison!" Thomas snarled, pushing James away roughly and moving to leave.
"Thomas please!" James grabbed Jefferson's arm desperately. "I love you! That.. That's not what I meant!"
"Shut up, we both know that's a lie!" Thomas squirmed in James' tight grip.
"I'm sorry! Thomas please-- Tommy-!"
"I said shut up!"
James flinched and kept talking, even though he noticed Thomas going over the edge. "I love you-"
"Don't fucking say that!" Jefferson practically screamed. James went silent and looked up at him. "You don't need me, I get that! I'll leave you alone but don't you say you love me now!"
"No.." James bit his lip nervously. "I-I do... Please... Tommy-"
"And don't fucking call me that!"
Thomas raised his fist and-
-And James Madison was alone for the first time in years.
     His pacing quickened.
     "Dammit James dammit why can't you shut up?" He whimpered, running a hand through his hair nervously. "He's not coming home tonight he... Thomas is gone.. He's gone... What do I do? What do I-"
     He stopped and ran to the kitchen.
"I.. I shouldn't... I really shouldn't I..."
He fumbled through cabinets.
"Thomas wouldn't want this-- shut up! Thomas isn't here..." James whimpered. "...you're loosing yourself, James..."
He opened a drawer and sifted through the utensils.
"Fuck just... Fucking calm down... Shut up!" he tugged at his sleeves and mumbled to himself before continuing to look through the drawer. Before long he found what he needed and gripped it tightly in his shaking hands.
"Shut up.. Just... Just shut up.." He mumbled to himself, biting his lip and looking at what was in his hands. "...are you really going to do this, James..?"
He gulped.
"...here g-goes..."
James Madison was alone for the first time in years.
He pressed the knife to his skin.
"I'm.. Sorry... Thomas.."

      "JAMES!"