Flipped: Back Again (L.T. Sequel to Flipped)

Chapter 26: No More Promises

<ELEANOR'S POV>

I laid tossing and turning all night, unable to find a comfortable position to finally rest my eyes. How could I when all I can picture is Louis and Elly together. It's one thing to let the imagination wonder and try to guess what occurred; but to have it confirmed and have it scripted in such detail brings an even greater wave of nausea and hurt to my already fragile mind. What did I do to make him turn away from me again? To have this happen after so many years picks at my self-worth and question if I am worthy at all. Am I that terrible, that plain? Are my feelings the slightest bit important to him and his are to me?

I turn from Louis, settling on my side. Why am I still here. Why do I choose to overlook these occurrences time and time again knowing how deep they cut me. Why do I choose to smile at him when on the inside I'm drowning in my own depression and tears. He has no idea the toll this takes on me, no idea about the steady pain he causes and the growing anxiety. I'm terrified when he's not with me because I fear he's with another. I stay pacing in my head wondering if he'll come home or leave me for some tramp he meets on the street every time he walks out the door. I've been with him through it all and you'd think that sense of loyalty would be there; but it's not, never has been.

Now there's a new card in this game. Miss Elly Annette- the whole reason Louis has these commitment issues. The one who cursed him with those wondering eyes and I damned myself to loving him anyway. He admitted to still loving her and I nearly lost it when the words left his lips. What possible reason could he have for still loving her? From what he shared with me, she's a terrible person. A snake, who got pleasure out of manipulating his feelings and constantly toying with him. How is that appealing! Why is someone as cruel as her still come before me! I've never played Louis in any sense; never had an ill intention my whole life. And the fact that he still chose her... I can't even comprehend the thought.

I planned to leave him- the very weekend he left me actually. The deal was: if he left, I would leave too. If he stayed, I'd stay as well. I convinced myself that, that would be his final test. Much to my surprise, he left without a word. I woke up to an empty bed and not even a letter to say goodbye. I was devastated but kept to my word. After a couple hours of crying my eyes out and being in denial, I began packing my clothes and immediately called Keenan to vent as I did previously about their trip. He was the only one I could count on and was spitting truth long before I could accept it. I didn't know why I was so conflicted. My love for Louis was unbearably strong and always made me second guess myself. Keenan encouraged me to continue with the plan anyway; and that when he got back from wherever, I'd reside at his place until I figured out my next move. I nearly took the offer but was then interrupted with a phone call from Louis himself. That's when I reverted back. I clung onto every word he said and feigned normalcy. And when he said he loved me, I couldn't take any more of the confusion. I hung up and just wallowed in our room for what seemed like the whole weekend.

After his return, I was still contemplating the idea. Keenan arrived at my work to discuss it further and all the opportunities I'd have once I was "free". Knowing how Louis was, I couldn't just disappear from his life. So many people had done that before and I didn't want to add to the list. But Keenan did have a point; I wasn't supposed to be living for Louis, but for myself and that concept was difficult to grasp. We were a unit, a team. He was a huge piece of my life that I wasn't necessarily ready to let go. I had done so much for him, invested so much of me into us. I can't throw that away- I wont no matter how much I should.

His charades have to end at some point; but I can't keep pretending that this ring on my finger has mystical powers that can erase the past. I need to pull Louis aside and express my fears to him. No longer can I keep silent and hope for the best because I'll only get hurt again in the long run. I'm so tired; and these sleepless nights can't last forever.