Secrets and Lies

Losing my mind

Arabella's POV
I have been losing my mind with out her. I need to tell Cody about the letter. Leo needs to know too. Everyone should know. I should of told them about the letter. I don't like lying to my friends. I open my locker and start to clear it out, I have a lot of things that remind me of Kem. They make me cry so Cody recommended that I clean it out, so I am. On the inside of the locker door are 4 photos; 1 at the beach of Kem, Cody, Kane and I, 1 at a fancy dress party (Kem was Belle, Cody was Prince Charming and I was Cinderella), 1 of all of us in a park and 1 of Kem and I at the fair on the ferris wheel. I feel like this is all a dream and I'll turn around and she'll be there. I wish she was here. I put the photos, stuffed elephant and framed mirror into a box to take home. I walked out to Cody's car but before I reached the end of the hallway, I started crying. The tears blurred my vision and I almost fell over several times then before I reached the door, Cody grabbed my box and my hand. He walked me to the car without a word and drove Kaylee home.

"Why didn't you drop me home before?" I questioned.

"You'll see." was all he said. I felt a weird tense that doesn't happen often between us but I didn't know how to break it so I stayed quiet until he stopped. Why would he stop here?

"Why would you stop here? Take me home!" I started crying again.

"No, you need to face it." Cody quickly got out and came around to my door. He opened my door and unbuckled my seat belt. Cody then pulled me out, I kick and was about to scream when his hand covered my mouth preventing me from making a sound. "Stop you will alert someone," he took me all the way to the beginning of the bridge. The bridge is scary there is something there that I can't describe, it's like a presence that tells you everything wrong with your life. I can't handle this so I start running to the car but Cody grabs my hand, stopping me. I kept on struggling and fighting. I started balling my eyes out. My emotions were crazy I was upset, angry, mournful, infuriated, unsettled, outraged and worked up. I wanted to scream and cry and punch Cody at the same time.

"Stop fighting it, this is something you need to face." His voice was steady and his grip firm.

"I can't do it," I whined. "Not yet," I turned to face him. "I can't do it, not yet." I pleaded with my eyes.

"You must promise to walk across this bridge before the end of school term." He reasoned with me, yet his grip didn't ease up, not even slightly.

"I promise by the end of the school term that I will across this bridge." I locked eyes with him, my boyfriend.

"Good, now are we going to go back to the car or just stand here." As we got back in the car Cody got a text message. "Hey babe, do you want to go to Ace's Friday? It's not a party, just a meeting I guess with our group so we can reconnect. His words not mine." He asked without even looking at me, stop being petty Arabella. Stupid girl. I told myself, then realised he wanted a response.

"Not really, you can go if you want. I don't want to talk to Kane just yet." I said while fiddling with the bottom of my black skirt.

"Oh, I won't go without you." He was silent for a moment before. "Maybe this would be a good thing though, get you to open up a little bit." I sighed. "You don't have to but just think about it."

-----

I was in science class the next day when a thought occurred to me. Kem probably left notes in classes we had together. I start looking around the room, under desks, behind chairs and even on the floor and ceiling. I was about to give up looking in this room when the black board caught my eye, there was a white piece of paper sticking out from the bottom left corner. I have to get up there, how?

"Ms Beckett?" My hand shot up.

"Arabella?" Her shaken, old voice replied.

"I would like to write something on the board."

"Oh, um alright. But no funny business."

"Of course not Ms," I took the chalk and started writing up the periodic table but only the first 12, since those were the only ones I remember. As I wrote carbon I grabbed the paper.

"Arabella, sweetheart I think you'll find we are working on metal part of the periodic table today. The first 12 won't help with that." Ms Beckett spoke, condescendingly.

"I wanted to make the point that they wouldn't work in the metal formula you have given us." I smiled and put up my best face whilst lying through my teeth. Something I am becoming better at.

"Of course dear but let's focus on the questions I ask." She patted my shoulder and motioned for me to sit down, I did so.

I crumpled up the piece of paper and shoved it into my cardigan pocket, I will read it later when there aren't so many preying eyes. I tried to pay attention to our teacher for the rest of the lesson but I couldn't. Should I go to the get together? Where else should I look for the letters? Who will be there? Could there be a letter in the bathrooms? What if I don't go? Will Cody get mad? Will the others think I'm crazy? What if Kem only hid 2 or 3 letters? How will Kane react if I show up at his house? The school bell ringing broke my thoughts, I felt everyone around me move as I stood up and made my way down the hall towards English. Why? Why couldn't it be maths?

-----

"Ara!" Cody called when the final bell rang. "Arabella!" He eventually caught up to me. "Did you make a decision?"

"You can go, just go without me." I said weakly.

"No I can't," Cody put his hand on my shoulder. "I can't go to a hung out with out my girlfriend. That's just weird." I shrugged him off. "What's wrong babe?"

"Nothing," I replied too quickly. "I am....it's just...I don't want to see Kane ever again." No it isn't.

"Oh, that's alright he's not coming," this perked my interest. Why wouldn't he be at his house when we are celebrating his girl- ex girlfriend? "He will be at work for something." Cody dismissed the odd behave as if it was nothing. How could it be nothing? What did 'something' mean? What if he is avoiding us on purpose? What if he wants us to think that? Wait...what if he what's us to think that?

"Babe, I am going and so are you. I'll pick you up at 7:30pm?"

"Whatever," I didn't care, I would just pretend to be asleep the whole time, easy. Wait if Kane is at work for 'something' why isn't Cody too? I mean they both work at the gas stop on the edge of town. What if he is saying it's a work thing but he is going to be home the whole time, just ignoring us? What if Cody told me this to convince me to go?

Wow. I really am loosing my mind.