We Who Are Jaded

Chapter Thirty

If a hangover was anything close to the feeling that weighed me into the pavement the next morning, alcohol and I were never going to be fast friends. My sickness was in part due to the sleepless night and probably from denying myself breakfast on the basis of throwing it back up.  

Guilt could be such a bully.  

The sun beat down on me as I stood side by side with Beth. She was dressed for more than the occasion demanded, sporting a short pleated skirt, tight shirt and oversized sunglasses. Next to her, I might as well have stayed in my pyjamas for no one would see me in my three quarter length khakis and a rugby shirt.

Not that I minded;  I had forgotten how well looking grubby suited me.

"I wish you'd at least tried a little Chris," Beth muttered. "Pretending you know you are better off without him is the first step to actually thinking it." 

I was glad Beth was feeling profound, she would make great conversation around such a lunch table of misfits because of it.  

I squinted up at her.  Both hands were placed firmly on her waist while her foot tapped in brand new ankle boots.

"I got out of bed didn't I?" I argued. I had very much considered hibernating but the reality of Beth hauling my ass out of bed was far too probable to dare.

I had hardly expected Beth to be sympathetic in her approach, having laid the truth down for me the day before. It was her natural impatience making her moody, every second longer on the pavement a second she was robbed of from Nate. I understood how that felt as much as I tried to kid myself otherwise. 

"You could have at least done something with your hair." She eyed me. " And please, don't get me started on your make up," she chided, looking disapprovingly at my still wet hair and unpainted face. I threaded my fingers through my hair, conscious I wasn't exactly looking my best.

"Make up and a nice hairdo; is that what defines me?" I peered at her, daring her objection.

"No, of course not. Don't be so bloody melodramtic." Beth snapped. 

"Then stop complaining Philips." I nudged her with my hip. "I showed up, isn't that enough?" She considered this and then eyed her nails. 

"Well you had to show up, who else would introduce your friends? I can't imagine it would have gone down to well, with Soph especially?" Beth had a very valid point but it didn't suit me to say so. 

"I'm assuming if it's Jude's dad who is picking us up its her Mum she's pissed with?" Beth shrugged, checking her phone. "When is he supposed to get here?" Beth glanced at the clock of her screen, pursing her lips. 

"Ten minutes ago." She clicked her tongue and locked her phone irritably. I gripped the cuffs of my shirt and rocked on my heels. "I bet you'd have time to go change before they get here." 

"I'm comfortable in what I'm wearing thank you," I barked, clenching my sleeves harder.. Beth folded her arms securely round herself, her foot no longer drumming on the pavement. I had been cold and unreasonably so.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you." Beth took my hand in her own and gave it a small squeeze, realising just as much as I how I needed her right now.  

"I don't blame you Chris, really I don't." She bit her lip and sighed. "You're just not you and as your friends that's a scary place to see you in...considering." 

Considering your more than capable of jumping off of a bridge. 

It took a lot for Beth to be made to feel uncomfortable and that only unsettled me further.