Big Heart, Little Body (Melanie Martinez,Halsey,TØP,P!ATD)(#Wattys2016)

I'm So Very Far From Fine

(Josh's POV)

After school finished (finally) I had gone home, what a normal human would do. Except, I'm not normal.

Now, I may seem as the most "sane" or whatever out of Melanie, Tyler and Brendon, (lets admit I am) and I am. But, no body else knows about my secrets.

Yeah, I may seem all "mysterious" and all that now, but honestly, I have problems. Just no body knows about them.

Secrets, lies, heartbreaks, bruises, darkness.

My life summed up in a sentence.

"I have these thoughts so often"

I opened the door. Thank god Tyler wasn't here. Because what was waiting for me was something Tyler wouldn't understand.

"Hello, we haven't talked in quite some time"

"Yes, I know we haven't"

"Listen, I have another request"

"No. I'm sick of doing business with you. You've fucked up my life enough"

"Well well well, what's that girls name, Melanie, was it? Well, you see, I have plenty of secrets, your secrets and they can be used against you quite well"

"Fine"

"Good"

"You must help me"

"Help you with what?"

"Lets just say, I need a get-away driver"

"What the frick?"

"Tut Tut Josh, don't ask those questions"

"Sorry, sorry"

"Good boy, Josh. I'll be going now, great doing business with you"

"Yeah, great" I mumbled, pushing it out the door. God, if only people knew.

I ran up to me and Tylers bedroom and sat in the far corner of the room. Then, I bunched up into a ball and started crying.

I don't really have a great family. One half's gone, and the other is crazy. Sadly, I'm one of the "crazies" and not the "gones".

I have my secrets. I used to be in contact with criminals, only taking a few as friends.

You see, I helped people get away with crimes and I was usually paid at least $300. It helped me get help, but didn't get rid of my problem. I was still crazy.

Although it never seemed like it, I was always so very far from fine. No matter how much good happens, I will always be crazy.

It really is terrible. No body knows, but I'd like to keep it that way. If I let out these secrets, my life would go downhill. Right now, it can't go any further.

I hate this. It feels like I constantly have to live under someones command. I hate it.

But then again, who wouldn't?

•••

(A/N : Woo! Haven't done one of these in a while! And this may be surprising, but I've had Stressed Out on repeat all through this chapter. I will be posting a Rants Book, which will have this little paragraph and then and explanation because it is irrelevant to put it in the chapter itself.