S • G • U

I need to (part 2)

Si je vous ai fait saigner des yeux par mes horribles fautes, faites moi signe. (c 1 rant)

To 2015, From me.

My name's 瑞琳 but I rather prefer Rui, it's way easier. I'm 15 and I only spent 5 years in China before moving in France, it's been 9 years and I sometimes feel homesick. I'm a daughter, a cousin, a high schooler and a friend of some dorks who live far away from me. I improve a lot my drawing's skills since 2014 but I still have difficulties to perfectly match colors together as Mirey does.

I wasn't happy with my 10th grade class. They were not boring or what just annoying and judgemental. Some wankers called me "weirdo" or asked me "Why are you acting weird, 瑞琳 ?". I often thought to answer them "Just get the fuck out of my sight if all you want it's to annoy me with ya bullshit." Sure I was kinda harsh but instead to throw them this cheesy blab I responded by my usual excuse : "Because i'm like that..." I sure was weak. Now I would answer "I know right ? I'm proud to be."

Some peoples claiming happily they are weird (and proud to be) but bitch you sure had never experienced what real weirdos live everyday when they are invaded by a crowd of "normal" human beings. "Normal" haha I hate this word.

Ok, I can assume that some weirdos try their best to act "normally" when they are outside but when they're with their close friends they would act weird. This is not what you call to be proud to be weird. (I'm really pissed right now)

So because of my weirdness I didn't get a lot of friends (I had no friends in my class except one girl, she was from USA and she was so kind with me but she already had a best friend so I didn't follow them because friendship with only three people never works (this is what I think by my personal experience)).

I was quite alone and I thought I would be okay with that. But I wasn't. I was really stoic, I kept all my fears inside me determined to show them to nobody (btw Nobody is the name of a little boy from a novel by Neil Gaiman). So I kept thinking I was one of a kind to preserve myself from insecurities (it worked even though I was kinda lame haha).

My year 2015 was not as good as I expected... but wait, I wasn't expecting something to be honest. The beginning of the year was pretty good tho. Maybe because I was carefree and my lovely (and vulgar) friends were still with me spending good times together. I was in middle school and all seemed to be so easy.

Thinking about these times always gets me. This is what we call nostalgia, am I right ?