We found love in a hopeless place

chapter 20: replacing Atlas part 2

It was breaking dawn, the orange and blue part of the sky is kissing each other. Such a beautiful sight yet a sad one because after, it was going to be dark. Dark as what I'm feeling right now, I haven't shed a tear ever since Priscilla blurted out the bad news to me when my mother called her. I have been through so much this was like a pinch on my arm. Or maybe I am just in shock, I don't know...I just can't feel anything yet. I'm sitting on the roof top of the hospital, I couldn't even remember how I ended up here, I only remember Priscilla and I rushed in to the emergency room to see how my father was doing because he was in an accident. But we learned that it was too late and he lost so much blood that he died on arrival, "there was nothing we could do"  That's what people say to make us feel like they tried. I lighted my second cigarette and smoked to calm myself. I was never a smoker and I never thought I would...but after hearing the news, my mind was detached from my body and I was floating not knowing what I was going to do was going to hurt myself.

 "You're burning your lungs" she whispered to me, as she was staring at the horizon. My cousin, whom I wish was my sister and the one who might understand me.

She looked me in the eyes so deep, as if saying she was sorry for my lost wasn't enough. That's when I broke down, I hugged her so tight and buried my face on her shoulders. She just hugged me back and didn't say anything because that was just all I needed. Everything was all so sudden, no one expects this to happen. I didn't even end my terms with my dad in a good way. I didn't even say goodbye. 

"Marco and Bre are downstairs, they are here for you" Priscilla said.

I just let her come down first to meet them while I finish this stick. I can't face them with red eyes I thought, but if I want to patch this hole we have then I must face them no matter what I look. I went inside the elevator and I was lost in the moment for a while that I forgot to push the button on which floor was I going to. 

"Oh, damn it" I cursed and pressed third floor. When the elevator door opened it was Marco who was standing in front of the door. He was just surprised as I was but we managed to say simple hellos then he went inside the elevator and I saw him pressed Lobby. I didn't even get the chance to ask him why was he leaving in a hurry. As I was approaching the waiting area Bre came down running towards me and hugged me so tight. It was as if everything that had happened was forgiven. "I'm sorry" she whispered. We just stood there hugging each other and ugly crying our hearts out. That's what you do to your dearest friend, she may have done the baddest thing you could ever think of but you still welcome her with open arms.

After hours of crying and catching with each others' lives, the attending doctor who tried to save dad went out and officially explained to us the bad news. That's when I felt the burden, it was as if I was carrying the world on my shoulders. It was the time when it really sank to me that my dad was really gone. That my mom and my cousin is the only close family I have. 

****

It was the first day of morning, or mourning I should say. Everyone was wearing black. Since black is a staple in my closet, I had no problem with it. I wore a black lace dress and a black trench coat because without it I just felt nude. Knowing Priscilla, I'm guessing she's going to wear any black leather top or jeans. And when I saw her, I was right. For the first time, she was really quiet and pale. I've never seen her like that, maybe she was really affected by this just as I am.

Mom said that dad wouldn't want a funeral, he wanted to be cremated and only family and few friends would come and witness us spreading his ash in the sea. Even though I voted againts it, my mom still respected his wishes. Before I left home I looked for my most tinted and biggest shades so no one would see me emotional.