We found love in a hopeless place

chapter 12: half of the secret.

'"Sometimes, you have to stop thinking so much and just go where your heart takes you."

****

"Where do you want me to take you miss?" The taxi driver asked while eyeing me from his rearview mirror. Who wouldn't stare at me? I was weeping.

"J-just drive away" I told him, he was confused at first but he finally understood and he stomped on the gas.

My chest was getting tighter, head was pounding, vision getting blurry yet my tears seemed endless, They say you could only cry a spoonful of tears but I guess I defied the odds. When I got a hold of myself I finally told the driver to go somewhere close to my heart. It is someplace where no one could find me, even my parents. I might take a break for awhile. Every person has their breaking point, and this is mine.

The driver dropped me off fifteen meters away from my real destination, it was fine by me since I wanted to walk anyway. The place was almost the same as it was eight years ago, Marco and I used to hang out here when we were kids. We would play throwing of rocks in the lake, make s'mores and just play and talk or tell each other's secret. The swing that he and I made is still here after all these years. I wanted to sit on it but I didn't take any chances because I might fall on my butt. So, I just sat on the grass and watched the sun set on the beautiful lake as I drown in my pool of emotions. It was already worse to lose the person you love, but what I can't take is my best friend for eight years is gone too.

****

"I have an idea" Marco said with a smile. "No, I will not give you money" I joked rolling my eyes. I never really liked his ideas. He sort of pouted which made him a lot cuter than he already is. "No, You'll like this idea. Promise" He crossed his heart as if swearing his life to it which made me smile and I finally agreed to whatever he was planning. He pulled out sheets of paper and two pens, at first I thought he wanted to draw or something. "So what I want both of us to do is that, like a time capsule" I started snickering. He glared at me jockingly "What?! Hahaha, I've never heard of any guy try to do corny things" I laughed shaking my head "Well, maybe because you have never have a boyfriend" I stick out a tongue at him. Part of it was true. Oh okay, all of it is true.

And I couldn't deny the fact that Marco was the reason I became a reckless little slut, he never knew of course because how could I tell him. "Oh hey, because you insulted me of being all innocent, goody goody virgin girl that's why now I have plenty of boyfriend and flings I have never been serious." It almost felt like I wanted to be good enough because of him. I used to love him actually, I loved him too much that I was afraid to get hurt because he was my best friend.

We both started writing about what was our idea of us about five to eight years after and what would we say to each other in case we remember coming back here and read each other's letter together. He tried to take a peek on my paper. "Hey! No peeking"  He smirked and continued on his second page, second page! "How are we supposed to bury this? He showed me a lunchbox made of metal and we put our letters inside. And made a vow to never open it until it was the right time. It was three years ago.

I ran towards the tree where we buried it, and with my bare hands I dug through the ground until I found the rusting metal lunch box. I didn't care about the vow that we made. I wanted to know. 

What would I be five or eight years from now? Honestly, I don't know. But rest assured before we even finish college I would've fallen madly inlove with you Jesse. I don't know if I could break our friendship or we would give us a chance. I'm really sorry I couldn't tell you this, but it kills me that everyone is hiding this from you, especially you. Where in fact you have the right to know. I found out that our parents since being the business tycoons and all have arranged us to get married in the future. It's not that I didn't want this, but it felt so wrong. Please don't be mistaken that we became so close and even best friends because of the deal. I really wanted to know everything about you ever since I laid eyes on you. I have never seen a girl so fragile yet so tough at the same time. It almost felt like I wanted to protect you always even though you didn't want me too. I still remember the reason why you trusted me. You still was this girl who didn't trust anyone in the world because her parents told her not to. And it was fine because they should earn it. And boy did I earn mine the hard way. I caught you sneaking out of your room you were so drunk, I would've let you get caught but I didn't because I knew how hard were your parents on you, like mine, I had to carry you and call a cab to drive you until you were safe. We were like partners in crime then ever since. It was the most mischievous phase of my life, it's not that I'm blaming you. Actually, you thought me how to live. I learned how to party and socialize a bit. If it weren't for you, I might have been gay right now haha. But of course I'm not. I remember overhearing your conversation with your friend telling her that you think I'm guy until I proved you wrong when I couldn't fight the urge to kiss you after we dance under the bright moon. By the way, it was my favorite kiss. And as we get closer, I realized that what our parents have decided to do might be right after all, because I love you.  And I want to be clear that it wasn't my parents that drove me to getting to know you. You were so alluring and interesting and weird at the same time. And I'm glad that we know this much of each other like the back of our hands. So I guess if we're gonna be together I would like us to be like best friends still. I love you, Jesse.

 I didn't know how my eyes could take anymore of it, but I was crying once again. He loved me. And it's not only that, I can't believe my parents were deciding behind my back, Especially my Dad, he was always making decisions for me. He never thinks of what I want in my life. I hate him so much in any ways I  could think of.

I looked at my phone. eighty-three messages and forty missed calls coming from Marco, Remy and Bre. Wow, so now they care. I scoffed and turned my phone off. I need my time alone and I wouldn't let myself be found until I want to. But suffice to say that it's been only four hours so they're just overreacting if they're already freaking out.

****

"Just answer the fucking phone!" Marco gritted through his teeth as he was cautiously driving and looking out for Jesse at the same time. He blames himself for her isolation from everybody else that she cares about. If only he told her the truth. Because if you lie, the truth may just come around and bite you, hard.

"She hasn't answered yet?" Bre asked him desperately over the phone. He sighed. "No, have you been looking to the bars or clubs she might go to?" He asked while pinching his nose bridge. "Well, I'm still on it. but so far, no luck" And the line went dead.

"God, Jesse tell me where you are"

He stopped the car in front of a coffee shop where he saw Remy waiting in line to buy. Even if it hurts him so much thinking that he and Jesse are together, he has no choice. He approached "Mr. Remy" and he surprised the professor.

"Oh hello, Marco" he acknowledge. "Is she with you?" he had no time to stall. Remy knit his eyebrows "Excuse me?" with a serious tone. Marco sighed as if he couldn't contain his misery. "She's gone and we couldn't contact her" and with that statement, Remy's hand clenched and jaw tensed. "I-I haven't heard from her either, she hasn't been returning my calls or messages." Marco knew it. Of course, if Jesse was upset and was trying to be alone she wouldn't be with the most obvious person. He was about to walk of but he heard Remy say "By the way, don't you think that I'll let you get away with what you did to Jesse, we just have to focus on finding her now" He turned to face him "Technically, she's not yours because what do you think everyone will see you as a couple? You will just ruin her, and you're not right for her." Then he left, hot tempered.

****

 Tonight, the moon is amazing. It was so big as if it could grab you right then and there. I was just sitting here in the old swing which turns out to be just fine even if the years go by. I don't realize that I'm here for almost eight hours. Didn't feel like it. I thought I heard a noise behind the bushes but it's probably just a squirrel or something, if there are squirrels here, I doubt it. I was still holding Marco's letter and read it over and over again. How could we miss it? almost eight years of friendship yet we still managed to be friends despite our feelings for each other, how pathetic of us. I also read my letter because I couldn't recall all the things that I wrote. But compared to my letter, his was deeper and it took me by surprise. Oh god, what am I doing here?

I heard a sigh "I didn't think you'd be back here" I turn around and there he was, half of his face in the shadows and the other was shone by the moon. I smiled trying to hide my emotions if I could, I felt like I was an open book to him. "Couldn't think of any place better to be alone. This is still beautiful" He came closer and sat next to me. "You broke our promise" Glancing at his letter that I was reading a thousand times. "I can't help it, I didn't think you would find me" He took my letter and started reading "Since we're here together, maybe I should read yours too" I just stared at the moon. "I bet you'll find that letter too cheesy" And he just smirked. And we both just sat in silence.

"I should go" I told him, jerking him back to reality. "W-wait, Jesse we need to talk" He grab my arm but I yank it back gently. I was still mad at him for lying to me, for kissing me and making everything so complicated than it was before. He just stood there, with his deep blue eyes boring into my soul making my knees shake and weak that I had to hold on the trunk of the tree to gain balance. He just stood there and made  me realize that he was my best friend for almost eight years. The only person who knows me even when I'm not at  my best. Who knows I'm a fool and broken.

"We need to talk" That one line that most of the boys I hook up with is most afraid of, it's when the games changes. It is when you'll know if they're the "weeper" or the "I don't give a fuck-er". But this time, I wasn't the one who threw that line, it was him and it sort of gave me chills.

"No, Marco. I need to talk to my parents first. To clear things out" I finally said, avoiding the conversation. I will always be avoiding this conversation.