No Ordinary Fan Fiction...

Chapter 2

Everytime somone votes, a giraffe in a bow tie gets married to the love of it's life.

-

"I'm sure it wasn't that bad..." Bonnie reassured him in the great hall, they were sat at the Gryffindor table, chatter from the houses filled the room as they waited for the first years to arrive.

"It was SO embarrassing!" Darren groaned with his head in his hands.

"Dude," Joey said, "she's just a girl. She probably thought you were an idiot before anyway." This just made Darren groan again.  He rested his forehead on the table, he wanted to go back in time and re-do the whole thing. "Besides, she's in Slytherin," he hissed the word at Darren. "You don't want to go chasing after a girl like that! Well, maybe, if you were holding a bludger bat..." Darren didn't reply. He knew Sami wasn't like the other Slytherins... at least, not when she was alone.

The door to the great hall suddenly burst open and Professor McGonagall strode in, followed by a flock of first years scurrying after her, a sea of small heads bobbing up and down as they tried to keep up with her strides. They gathered in a crowd towards the front of the hall and watched as McGonagal placed a rickety stool in center view. She unrolled a sheet of parchment and cleared her throat.

"Allcock, Simon," she announced. Simon scampered up to the stool and sat down, his hands shaking and his brow sweaty. The hat was placed on, enveloping half of his head. There was a pause.

"HUFFLEPUFF!" The hat confirmed as cheers and whoops from the Hufflepuff table rang throughout the echoing hall. But before Simon could get off the stool to join them, a rainbow scarf was draped around his neck and shoulders. There was silence.

"Heterosexual," the scarf murmered into the young boys ear. The garments were plucked from him and he made a bee line for his new house table, glad to have gotten that out the way.

The ceremony continued until all the first years were seated. A particularly scared looking new Gryffindor had sat next to Joey - his huge eyes scanned the table, looking around with massive rabbit eyes, his gaze never resting anywhere for too long. Then Dumbledore stood up and a hush of silence flooded the Great Hall.

"I'd like to start by welcoming you all to another year at Hogwarts," he began.

There was a pause.

"Welcome." He said.
"Now, I'd like to announce that we have a few additions to the staff table, you may have noticed. Firstly, our new Defence Against The Dark Arts teacher, Professor... urm......
The Doctor."

The Doctor stood up to polite applaus, bowed, waved and curtsyed before sitting down again. He was dressed in a red bow tie, white shirt and a brown suit. His black hair flopped over one eye and a cheeky grin was planted on his lips, a twinkle in his eye.

"Also joining us to be our new Transfiguration teacher is Professor Jack Sparrow," Dumbldore waved his hand towards the staff table, gesturing towards the man in the pirate hat.

"Now-"

"That's Captain Jack Sparrow to you!" He interrupted - his words slurred and sloppy sounding - standing up clumsily and waggling a finger at Dumbledore. Darren nearly choked on his pumpkin juice.

The man had dark dreadlocks to his chest, raccoon eyes and was holding a bottle of rum that was swaying dangerously as he struggled to keep his balance. He swigged the last drop of rum and then sat down again slowly, to uncertain clapping from some of the students and filthy looks from some of the other staff. McGonagall looked outraged about the kind of person she had lost her position to and continued to look as though she was peeing lemon juice.

"...Moving on," Dumbledore started again, "Madam Poppins is taking over from Madam Pomfrey this year while she is in St Mungos thanks to an exploding toilet seat. If any more of these seats are found in the school grounds students will be severely punished. Filch would also like me to remind you all that any Zonkos merchandise will be confiscated without warning."

The hall was silent again. All that could be heard was Captain Jack, hiccoughing as he swirled around his new bottle of rum.
"Let the feast begin!" Dumbledore cracked a smile as he watched the faces of the starving first years light up as food materalised in front of them on gold platters. There were dozens of roast chickens filled with stuffing, mountains of roast potatos, huge lasagnes with twenty layers, and stacks of vegetables (which Joey ingored completely).

The little first year next to him took one look at all the food, gave a frightened squeal and threw up all over Joey's shoes.