My Neighbor's Wife

Chapter 33

His heart is still beating fast from their kiss that has ended abruptly. The happiness that he has been feeling just a while ago has been replaced by a great amount of pain- loss. It's like someone has torn open his chest, took his heart and stabbed it with a knife. All his energy has been drained, and he can sense his body is ready to collapse from the stress.

He does not know what to do. Should he go after Nellie or should he leave her be for a while? Why, only now, that he has been able to admit to himself and to her of his feelings, does she have to go? Is this her form of punishment for all those times that he has unintentionally hurt her? Does he really deserve this?

Deciding that he will not waste a moment of making Nellie change her mind, and that he will get answers for his questions, he goes towards her bedroom. Once he is in front of the door of her chambers, he can hear her muffled sobs. Not wanting to scare her, he softly knocks but he receives no answer. Thinking that she has not heard him, he knocks again and this time a little louder. From the other side of the door, he hears the baker shout for him to go away.

A little bit disheartened, but one to never give up easily, especially on the person he loves most, he tries a different approach. If she will not talk to him face to face, then he will have to just say whatever is on his mind and just hopes that she will listen.

He takes a seat on the floor, making himself comfortable. He stays close to the door, just so the things that he will say will be clearly heard by her. There is no guarantee that she will listen to him, but it will make him feel a little better if he will be able to speak his mind. Taking a deep breath, he brushes a stray of his hair that has fallen on his face, and tucks it behind his ear. Gathering up his thoughts, he launches with his speech.

"I remember when I started seeing you as more than just my friend. I thought I was just confused because you were- you are- always there for me, and Lucy wasn't. I- I thought that I was just missing my wife. So I tried to avoid you and I tried to fix things with Lucy; I was both successful at doing those."

He takes a pause, noticing that Mrs. Lovett has now stopped crying. Knowing full well that she is now listening, he continues. "At first, I was glad that my marriage was back to how it was before, but then something inside me was not contented. And that's when I knew... that's when I knew that it was you who was missing."

"It's a shame how it took me to losing you before I realized that I love you." A tear escapes his eye, and he hastily wipes it away, but another one soon follows; before he knows it, he is freely crying. He bows his head and covers his eyes, hiding as if someone will see him. Right now, even if he wants to, he cannot stop the tears from flowing. Just the thought of not seeing Nellie and not being able to just at least get a glimpse of his child, is like he is being tortured to death.

His voice cracks as he carries on with what he is saying. "Now... now I'm going to lose you again. Is this my punishment, Nell, for all those times that I've hurt you?"

Before he can utter one more word, he hears the lock click and the door slowly opens. He hurriedly stands up and turns his back to wipe his face with the sleeve of his shirt. He does not want the baker to know that he has been crying; it's embarrassing. Taking a lung full of air, he turns around thinking that he already looks presentable.

He does not know what reaction he is expecting to see of Nellie, but he is surely not expecting her to be giggling at him. He furrows his brows and crosses his arms over his chest, wondering what seems to amuse her. Sometimes, women can be really hard to understand. Their mood changes constantly that it gets very difficult to keep up. Well, he just hopes that now that she seems to be back to her normal self again, he can persuade her not to leave.