too much to live with~Arwen

Chapter 1

Arwen Andearson stared at the mirror in front of her.

She always loved mirrors. Not because you could judge your appearance in it, but because you could judge your capability to do whatever you were going to do next. Going to the college and facing a new day head on, or just sitting at home and planning to study. Looking at herself in the mirror would boost up her confidence. But she never understood why she looked into the mirror when she had nothing planned for her schedule. It was one of those rare moments when she stared into the mirror without knowing for what she was seeking the courage.

“Arwen!” somebody called.

She sighed and opened the door of her bedroom to move out and listen to what her mother had to say.

“Yes mom.” Arwen said unenthusiastically.

“Please make some tea for me, I am so tired.” Tired in the morning, Arwen thought glumly. Arwen’s mother was a highly emotional and excited woman, and the daily soap operas had a lot to do with her behavior. She was of a medium built and very light, brown colored short hair. Her beautiful features were still visible even with the fading old age.

“Sure.” Arwen said. Arwen loved cooking but still didn’t fancy entering the kitchen to make tea/coffee for anyone. The obvious reason being that she herself wasn’t habitual.

She made tea without zeal and then surrendered to her room. Her room was huge and tidy. There was a double bed in the centre and a vast closet covering one whole wall of the room. Her room was devoid of any kind of bizarre wallpapers or posters. She never understood what was so pleasurable about Enrique staring at you from the walls. Well at least those teenage years were history for her now. She tried to remember her 20th birthday which occurred only a week ago. Movie and lunch with her freaking friends, and then a quiet and expensive dinner with her mother. And with that her thoughts drifted towards her mother….Arwen loved her. Obviously. Her mother provided her with the best of things. The best education, the best dress, the best dinner and sometimes even the best jokes. Even then she was nothing what Arwen would expect a friend to be like. She might give money to purchase the best dress but would never accompany Arwen to select the same. She might buy Arwen the best dinner possible on her birthday but would fail to ask her if she had a blast with her friends on the same day.

It was difficult for Arwen to find her space with her mother around. Her mother never provided that comfortable aura.  Arwen was never able to spit out her thoughts without thinking twice. The worst part was that Arwen didn’t want to make her mother realize all of this. Her mother, on the other hand, seemed to have lost the self realization capability. Sometimes, Arwen wondered if it was her mother or herself who was responsible for this. After all, Arwen was as much self obsessed as her mother. Despite it all, Arwen loved her. She felt contented. It was a part of life. And Arwen had learnt to take life the way it comes. Sitting on her bed she apprehended this. Feeling satisfied, even without reaching any conclusion, Arwen sighed. And after a while realized that she had the whole day ahead of her. ”Argghh” she groaned. What was she going to do on a freaking Sunday? She almost regretted completing her homework the previous day. She considered calling Zeisha, her best friend, but dropped the idea almost immediately. Sunday is family day for Zeisha. Sometimes Arwen wondered had things been any different if her father had not left her mother eighteen years back….had she gone to see new movies and play basketball with her dad? She sighed and dropped the thought. Thinking about her father always disheartened her. Without thinking she got up from the bed and stood in front of the mirror.

A pair of deep black twinkling and lively eyes stared back at her. Her features, quite similar to her mother’s seemed impeccable ‘cause of her youth. A t-shirt and a sweatpant hid her slender figure. Her slightly curly hair, shiny and black, a gift she received from her dad, touched down her waist. One look at herself in the mirror and she knew what she would do next. She completed the next chapter which was due to be taught in the next class. The next couple of hours passed away easily. A knock on the door made her jump.

“Arwen dear I am going to the grocery shop, would you like to accompany me?”  Mrs. Andearson said in her high pitch voice.

“Naw mom, I am studying.”

“So I see.” She smiled. “Do you want me to get something for you?”

Arwen couldn’t help smiling. Arwen’s mother already knew how much fond of junk food Arwen was. “Get a takeaway pizza please”

Her mother gave her an I-knew-what-you-will-ask-for look and smiled. “Sure sweetheart.” she said and disappeared.

Mom’s charming, if not anything else, Arwen thought. Arwen sat still for a few minutes and finally felt exhilarated. Her mother didn’t bother her much in the house; still Arwen felt immense elation whenever she had the whole house to herself. Not that she had ever wanted to do anything that she couldn’t do in front of her mother. But just the thought of being alone brought a lot of peace to her mind. She jumped from the bed and rocketed to the kitchen, grabbed the open packet of chips and then sat on the sofa in the drawing room, munching the whole time. She wondered what it would be like to live alone. A very entertaining thought. With nobody around to take orders from, no necessity to inform anybody about your schedule and most importantly, experiencing the independency and loneliness. Yes. Enjoying the loneliness. Arwen starved for her own company. Self obsession, Arwen called it. To spend time with your own self, to cook for your own self, to look into the mirror at your own self, to dress up your own self, to sing, to dance, to love your own self! To think about nothing at all, but your own self. Living alone definitely had pleasing invitations. But she immediately discarded the idea. Her mother and she might not be attached at a very good emotional level but she still couldn’t bear the thought of leaving her mother alone. She was satisfied by cherishing these rare lonely moments. She looked at the clock. 4.35 PM. How long had her mom been out and her daydreaming? She tried to recall but gave up in the end. Time still seemed to pass at an annoyingly slow speed. She hated weekends. And she hated all the boys who asked her out every weekend. So with no date, she was able to survive only a Saturday with the help of her homework.  Now she wasn’t feeling very glad that her mother gave her enough pocket money so she could avoid a tedious, small job during the weekend.

She couldn’t wait for Monday. She loved her college days. The weekdays. The busy schedule kept her engaged and helped her maintain a fair level of adrenaline in her blood. Rising from the slumber early, getting ready and reaching college, attending classes and taking notes, throwing paper balls at friends, sitting in the cafeteria and chatting, looking at cute guys, being nice to the librarian and annoying her by making noise at the same time, eating a lot and drinking even more, completing the interesting practical work and making quite an impression on seniors, having a heavy talk with the best friend and knowing she will be there no matter what happens….college days were magical for sure. She already had the whole week planned ahead of her. The only turnoff avoided in college was Ryan, her college mate.

He was avoided only by Arwen. Any other girl would strip, if that pleases him. Arwen found him irksome. Since the past three years he had been expressing his love for Arwen. Arwen wondered if he even knew the spelling of love. Alright, maybe he wasn’t as bad as she thought. He had been enough kind, saying he couldn’t think of her any other way. He never pushed Arwen too far for dating. Neither had he ever said too much to make Arwen feel awkward. But even with a straight refusal from Arwen, not once but several times, he never gave up on thinking about her. Arwen had asked him to stop thinking. And he did what Arwen had done: refused straight on face. So that’s how he was unpleasant for her. Though, he had been always nice to Arwen, she would have appreciated that had he not made his feelings public. And Arwen sometimes felt guilty…because Ryan didn’t date anyone. Even with girls dying to be with him, he never looked at any girl but Arwen. Arwen sighed. When will people rise above stupid teenage crushes? Only after a week of her teenage life she had started to feel so mature. She smiled and returned to her room.

Looking at the beautiful features on her smug face in the mirror, she couldn’t help but feel sorry for Ryan. Not anyone could grab a trophy on the first trial. Proud of herself and tired by brain, she decided to take a nap. Delighted for the coming week she started to drift towards dreams. She couldn’t help but feel a small pang of disappointment as she thought of the next weekend. What she didn’t know was that she would be facing a lot more than simple disappointment the next weekend.