After You... (1st Draft)

Chapter 5 - Tonight I'm Getting Over You

(Yep, named after THAT song lol, I've linked it. And yeah, as you can see this chappy's looong. BTW I edited this on my phone, there WILL be typo's...)

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                             Chapter Five – Tonight I'm Getting Over You

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'You will never know how much you hurt me. In fact, I never wanted you to. I thought it would make me look weak for you to know that you'd done that to me, make it seem like you'd won. Because, well, you took many things from me, my pride, my strength, my heart, and of all the things to play with, you chose to play with my heart.

Sure, you stopped calling, your messages became less and less when all I wanted was for you to send me a text so that I at least knew you were thinking of me. Because I thought about you. Everyday. Everyday for weeks. Everyday for months. What a waste. Why think about you? Why think about someone who wouldn't waste a second of his day thinking about me? Even though I wanted to call you, even though my phone never left my side even in sleep just in case you called, I realized something. Why should I try to convince someone to remember me? Why should I have to remind someone that I exist when they act like I don't?

I loved you with everything I had, I'd never fallen so hard in my life, I thought we had a future, you made me believe we did, you talked about a future I hadn't even thought about. Suddenly it could have been real for me. Suddenly I wanted those things because you put the image of that future with you in my head. How can I imagine my future with anybody else when it had all been imagined with you?

You know, it's funny, the only time someone ever remarks on how strong you are is when you're expected not to be. When you're going through some kind of heartbreak or devastation or tragedy and you're expected to visibly fall apart, but when you don't, or you appear as if you haven't, then you're strong. That's what they say.

Well then, apparently I was strong. Not many people saw my pain apart from those closest to me, I definitely would never have let you see it. I didn't know I could hurt this much. But I'll be damned if I don't tell you how much you hurt me. You took my heart and stepped all over it just by leaving. I sensed something was going on with you. A girl can always tell. But you refused to talk about it. Just shut me out. Communication works both ways, and most of the time I was left to talk to no one.

But I was left powerless. You had all the power. I gave you all of it, but you won't get anything else. I won't let you harden my heart to the point I can't give it to someone else. Someone who deserves it. Someone who deserves me.

Is it fair to send this to you now that you're with someone new? Is it fair for you to know the extent to which you hurt me when you're in a new relationship? Would you even care? It's not like I want you to feel guilt. I just want you to know.'

I paused as I read the final line of the letter I'd written to Darius all those months ago. The one I'd planned to send but never did. Wisely or not, I didn't know. There was one thing I wanted to do to it though, and it involved a lighter and a bin.  I wanted to set myself free of my old feelings. To let go. I never told Kibbie about this letter. And to be honest I'm still not sure whether I wrote it for him to see or for me.

I found myself quickly tucking the letter away when Kibbie suddenly appeared in my room, posing and doing an end-of-catwalk style turnaround, "What do you think?"

Her outfit...I really loved it. She had a knack for putting things together I never would have thought of. Like in this case, neon pink stilettos, one of the sickest pair of heels I think I may have ever seen, leather-look leggings (hmm, daring), and a black printed-front t-shirt with a burgundy statement necklace. It looked pretty amazing together. "Whoa, Kibbie, I like it."