After You... (1st Draft)

Chapter 6 - Free

"My breaking heart and I agree,

That you and I could never be,

So with my best, my very best,

I set you free." 

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                                                   Chapter Six – Free

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 "You don't mean that."

I don't think he banked on the answer I gave him. He'd stood there for a good five minutes as if registering what those words meant. But I hadn't walked either...no...just stood there for those same minutes, registering what those same words meant for me.

I almost couldn't believe the abruptness to which those words had flown free of my mouth. But they had, and he was still here. I guess he always thought I'd come running back. I mean, even I thought I would...I was surprising myself with every new thing I said.

"You're still here." I said, more to myself than to him. As I looked him over, it was obvious why he was still here, "You thought I'd come back." My voice was quiet now, thoughtful. "I'd always come back, right?"

"I don't think that of you. You're not making this easy. Trust me, you're not. I'm working my butt off here; you clearly don't always come back."

"You know...I'm not sure I will."

Colliding with his navy eyes, he looked as though I'd ripped away at his very core by saying that. He clearly didn't know what to say to me. He held himself still, and I was witness to a rarity in him, something vulnerable. It was unlike him.

But I knew what I had to do. There was no question about it; I couldn't afford to be uncertain. I spoke with every part of my heart because that's where I felt most true, but my actions were led by my head. It was the only way I could still do the right thing for me and yet still be honest with myself and with him about my feelings, with where I stood and what was driving me. I couldn't question this decision. I wouldn't allow myself to.

"I'm sorry." I said, "You might have to let me go. You did it once before. Easily. You can do it again."

"Easily? You think that was easy? It wasn't easy leaving you, are you kidding? That was never easy. But damn it, Bree, I was in a shitty place. Something had to change, and maybe I had to get away from everything and change everything before I realized that for all the things wrong in my life, you were the only thing that was right about it."

I huffed. "You left. How right could I have been?"

He huffed now, his frustration getting the better of him. It was clear I was seriously testing him now and he took a moment before he actually spoke. "I don't think any amount of explanation is gonna make you understand. I don't think you'll ever really know what was going on in my head at the time no matter how many times I try to put it into words. To be honest I don't think I'm doing a very good job. I suck at this."

"Everything sucks about this." I conceded.

"So what do you want?" He asked. "You want me to let you go?"

I swallowed at the question.

"Do you want me to let you go?"

I took a long moment to look at him, into the eyes that were now pleading with me to say something. My head frittered with the question. "You have to."

"But do you want me to?"

"I need you to." I said with unyielding eyes.

"Why won't you say that it's what you want? You say I have to, you say you need me to but tell me that you want me to."