The Face of Suicide

Chapter 4

Chapter 4

"Did you see?" my best friend Megan asked.

"See what?" I didn't know what she was talking about. Lessons just ended.

She didn't say anything. She grabbed me by my arm and pulled me. We seemed to walk forever until we stopped by the bathrooms, the one that I go to after every lesson. There was a big crowd surrounding it. When I got there everyone just parted to make way for me. The perks of being the most popular girl. I walked in, and there it was.

"I hate you, Catalina Martin."

The air was knocked out of me. Catalina Martin. Me! Who would have done this?

I walked to the cubicle. The body was gone but the persons blood was still everywhere.

"Who was it?" I asked Megan. Fear began to take over. How could I have done this to someone? How could I have been such a monster to cause this?

"Mark Jacobs."

"NO!" I let out without thinking. I fell to the floor not caring that people would see me cry.  Everything was spinning. I could picture Mark. His blonde curls and brigh blue eyes that always had a dull expression in it.

"I'm so sorry Mark, I'm so sorry," I whispered over and over again.

"I'm so sorry, Mark. I wish I could take it back, I really do. I'm so sorry," my words were barely recognisable now because of the crying.

"Come we have to go," I felt someone grab me from my arms and try to lift me up.

This was all my fault. And I could never take it back.

"NO! Let me go! I can't leave!" I screamed. I couldn't leave. I didn't deserve to. I deserved to just sit there and stare at what I had done. What I had become. A self absorbed monster.  

I finally let the person drag me away from the bathroom. Everyone knew that I was the cause of it. And I didn't care. They should see me for what I am.

I got called to the office. I thought they were going to expel me. But they didn't. They called my parents to fetch me. They looked at me with sadness in their eyes, unhappy with what their first born had become.

"I'm sorry," I wanted to tell them. But no words would come out. And no amounts of sorry's would change anything.

They took me back home where they silently discussed me. My 13 year old brother had no idea what had happened and I hoped he would never find out.

The next day was Marks funeral. They had a closed coffin because of his mangled face. Lots of the school students were there.

His mother was at the front with his little sister holding on tightly to her. His father was bending over the coffin, his head resting on it. He kept crying and muttering, "I'm sorry Mark. I'm sorry Jake. Please forgive me. "

Jake? I wondered what that was about. His mother finally pulled the father back where he hugged her and the little girl. And all I could think was, I caused this.

Behind them was Janice and her boyfriend. Her eyes were bloodshot. I found out that she was the one who found Mark.

There were a few speeches. Most of them about how great Mark is. Was. How could I have never seen it?

I felt a pang in my heart. Was it guilt? It was, but something else. It was love.

I loved Mark Jacobs.