The Face of Suicide

Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Its crazy, right? To find out that the guy you bullied all your life, the guy you drove to suicide, is the guy you love. I guess I should have realised it. Whenever I, or anyone else, did something to him, I would always feel hurt. Yet for others I felt nothing. That must have been a dead give away. I just didn't want to accept it.

Marks suicide changed me. I was going to be a better person. For him. He changed me for the better. But that's not one would say for Janice.

It's only been a week since Marks funeral, and you can't tell she hasn't slept in days. Her eyes were red and had bags under it. It also looked like she hadn't eaten in a while. I felt bad for her. Why did she have to be the one find Mark? Surely he did it in the girls bathroom for me to stumble upon. And if I had, would I be like Janice?

Everyday Janice just seemed to be getting worse. Not even her boyfriend seemed to be getting through to her.

Soon enough, horror struck. The news was everywhere. Janice killed herself. There were all sorts of ridiculous rumors going around.

"Janice killed herself because she loved Mark."

"I heard Mark came back to kill Janice."

"No ways, Catalina definitely killed Janice."

None of them were true, obviously. I knew that because I overheard Daniel telling his friend how he found Janice. Poor guy.

Janice's funeral was days later. It was a close family-and-friends-only funeral. No one from school went except Daniel.

After Janice's death Daniel just stopped talking. He stopped playing soccer, he stopped hanging out with his friends. He was battling through something that only Janice could've helped with. But that wasn't possible.

He didn't deserve what happened. No one did. He ended his life a month after Janice died. Everyone loved Daniel. He was the perfect guy, nice to everyone. Everyone attended his funeral.

It hit me that 3 people died because of me. I took 3 lives. 3 innocent lives that were on the way to greatness.

I finally knew what it was like to be Mark. To be bullied. I caused 3 deaths. I was no longer looked up to. I wasn't popular in my school anymore. I was notorious. People hated me. They hated me more than anyone.

So what do I do now? Kill myself?

"No Catalina!" I mentally scolded myself. "You do not get to find a way out of this! You have to live with yourself and the consequences of your actions!"

I decided to do something good.

We had a special assembly for the 3 people that had died. The assembly was about bulling. When the principle mentions bulling everyone looked at me. Hypocrites. They were also bullies.

I knew what the assembly was about because I suggested it. I wanted to speak to everyone. I slowly made my way to the podium. I gave the principle a nod to assure him I wanted to do this.

When I got there everyone was silent.

"Good morning teachers and students. I want to talk to you'll about bullying. As most of you know, I am the one who caused Mark to kill himself. But only after Marks suicide did I realise how serious my actions were. I know when you'll think of Marks suicide you all blame me. And I blamed myself too. But then I realised, even though a big part of it is my fault, you'll are just as much to blame as I am. No one here defended him. And everyone bullied him. So hate me as much as you'll want, but it was not only me," I didn't say it in a harsh way.

"But I didn't come here to tell you that," I continued, "I came here to tell you'll that we need to take a stand against bulling. If you see someone getting bullied, help them out. No one wants to be the cause of someone else's death. Its a horrible feeling, trust me, I know. It eats you up inside until you're hollow. And I don't want anyone to feel that. Its not nice. But I won't let myself become hollow. Mark changed me for the better. Don't let Mark, Janice and Daniels death be for nothing. Let's show them that, wherever they may be, their death has showed us something. That it taught us a lesson. Life is precious. No one should have to go through what they did.

"Although I did come up here to talk to you'll about bullying, there's something else I want to tell you'll. There's a wall on the side of the school that we're going to use as a memory wall. If you want to honour the memory of Mark, Janice and Daniel, feel free to come there. You'll can write your own message for them there. Any last words you might want to say. That is all. Thank you." I walked away from the podium. I got a few claps here and there. Honestly I don't know if my speech affected them much.

I just hope they learn their lesson before history repeats itself.