Journey To Healing: Diary Of A Food Addict

The Moment That Changed Everything Chapter 2

A few days ago, I headed to the doctor. Not that I really cared too, but had no choice.  With a energy level of zero, and depression setting in, I knew that I needed to find out what my blood work would reveal about the status of my diabetes.  Oh yes, one of the many results from being extremely overweight, and not to mention that diabetes runs in my family, does not help the matter.  My Mom has battled diabetes since she was in her early thirties, and now she is 74 years old.  I have seen her struggle, and its no laughing matter. It's a serious disease, one that can take away your quality of life if you allow it too.  I can't say the scale surprised me, I knew I had gained weight; none of my clothes fit me any longer.  I was in denial, and for sure wasn't in control.  I walked into the doctors office, trying to pretend I was in good spirits, when inside my body, I had a battle going on.  I smiled the best smile, and told everyone hello as if I had it all together, but when my doctor walked into the room, it took one look and she knew I was a mess.  Asking me how I was feeling, and what was going on, I told her.  I weigh 293 lbs, were my first words out of my mouth.  I have known my doctor on and off for over 12 years, if not more.  She knows weight has plagued me for years.  She spoke to me for about 30 minutes, trying to offer me hope, with very little luck I can tell you.  I was tired of trying, and more tired of failing. She spoke the words I was feeling, she told me that I sounded like I had given up. I could feel my heart literally sink into my stomach when I heard her words, but she was right. I felt I had nothing more to give, being overweight was just going to have to be my norm.  She offered me a prescription weightloss pill, then we even talked about weightloss surgery.  Oh, by the way, I hadn't told you that I already tried that method, it too, was a complete failure. It had been many years ago that I had Lap-Band Surgery, but due to anxiety issues, never had it tightened. I did lose some weight, but not for long.  I still have the band inside of me today, which I was instructed should go ahead and be removed. There are some risks, such as the band actually growing into my stomach tissue. I pray to God that never happens. That is a story of its own, but will have to make a decision at some point in the near future to have it removed.  As they always tell you to talk to your doctor before starting any new program, I talked to my doctor about a new program I wanted to try that would help give me nutritional balance, and energy as well. She told me to go ahead and try the program, because if it helped me with energy, then it was worth trying. Leaving the office, I headed to have my blood drawn, and as always, the phlebotomist had a hard time drawing the blood that was needed to fill my four viles.  She asked me if I had drank water; I was honest and told her not really.  She didn't have to know that I didn't drink water before my doctor visit, because it would make me weigh more. I didn't want to weigh anymore than I actually did, if I could help it.