UNCERTAINTY (boyxboy)

ONE

I never really had to question what my role in life would be. My outside never quite matched my insides. I made sure to always look the part that would reflect me internally. It was not hard as most people are only interested in a book if its cover is visually pleasing.

Wanting a more secure future, I chose to concentrate on my biggest strength, my mind. All of my interests were well rooted in honing that one body part. I was never really interested in anything else.

Then, senior year of high school, a young and broken boy, much like myself, changed everything. He was most instrumental in helping me find the man I will be tying myself legally to later on this day.

Yet I have to admit, that I never thought a day like this could ever happen to someone like me and as I prepare for the most important day of my life, I reflect back to where, how it all began...

I was excited to start my last year of high school so that I could get one step closer to my goal. I was also very anxious to finally be free of the clicks in this place. I was hoping to finally let out the real me that could not possibly come out in a place like this without causing some serious damage both physically and emotionally to me.

Being smart enough to be dubbed a nerd was a heavy cross to bear already and adding to that would have made my high school life unbearable. I just wanted to survive it all, grow from it and finally begin to experience life as it was meant to be.

I had a couple of acquaintances that shared similar interests but I never got too close to any one person because knowing from an early age that girls held no interest to me, made me realize that I could never really be my true self around other people. You can never really determine what kind of reaction you will get when telling them of your sexual orientation and I preferred to keep my life as drama free as possible.

Attending this most exclusive private school on scholarship, afforded me the kind of education that would aid me in getting into one of the best Ivy League universities with a full ride. My biggest motivator are my parents. The kind of money that attends this school is vast.

We, however, are just making ends meet. My father has been a certified welder all his life and this hard working man made sure I never needed or wanted for anything. My mother is disabled, stuck in a wheel chair but if she is regretful then she hides it well because she is pure sunshine.

From this disability they receive a small stipend but most everything goes into her care and my father treats her like a goddess. You can tell just by looking at them that they belong to one another. It is what I hope to have when I'm older and ready to look for love.

For now, my goal is to be financially successful so that one day I can pay off their house, make sure my mom has the best of everything and my father can finally take a break and just enjoy life. I remember when I first became of age to work. I was so determined to get a part time job and help my family out. My father was so proud of me but he made it clear that I was meant to have a greater life than theirs and all he asked was that I put all of myself into my schoolwork.

The second time he was proud of me was when we were notified by my grade school that based on my perfect grades and advanced intelligence they had submitted my name to this most exclusive of high schools and upon reviewing my academic career, they not only accepted my application, but offered me a full scholarship as well.

This prompted my father to work some serious overtime as he wanted me to have new clothes, new supplies, and a new lease on life. Little did he know that even if exclusive, high school is still the same monster? Same cliques, same ideals, and the same attitudes. Being a nerd, let alone a poor nerd did not go over well for me in the beginning.

Then I showed all those fools just what kind of nerd I was and let me tell you, people avoided me like the plague. My main focus became technology in any form and my technical creativity scared even some of my teachers. I only knew that one day I would be successful enough to take care of my parents. Of this I was certain.

Senior year started off like any other year and I could roam these halls secured in the knowledge that by now, I was untouchable. The rumors of the damage I could inflict on a person's popularity spread like wildfire and so no one messed with me. The same can be true for my brethren as any one of them could come to me for help if they were ever the target of torment at the hands of a more popular clique.

In the end, I was still all alone, never having really established the kind of friendships that would last a lifetime. I would tell myself that this is okay. Those types of situations are just distractions and I could not risk anything getting in the way of my goals, hopes, and dreams.

So as senior began, my academic career had blossomed enough that I only had to spend part of my day in this hell hole. I spent the other part of most of my days in our local college getting as many of my prerequisite courses out of the way as possible. If I planned out correctly, upon graduating high school, I would also have completed my freshman year of college as well.

I made sure that the university I would be attending next fall, would accept all of my transferred credits. Needless to say, I worked really hard and impressed those college professors enough that the summer after graduation, I was offered a paid internship for the summer in their Information Technologies Department. For an eighteen year old, I would be making as much as my father. It may be for only three months and he may have protested a great deal when I insisted on giving him any earnings to help out our household, but either way I was helping.

This extra money would also help me secure a bit of financial stability while away at school. It felt wonderful knowing I would not have to rely on my father for additional things that my scholarship would not cover. I always felt like such a burden yet he reminded me every day that it was his job to take care of me and mom.

So with all of these plans in place, a few months into the school year, one single event changed the entire course of how this school year would end. With one single event, the life that I felt confident and sure of in its course became unclear and uncertain.