Thoughts in Bold Ink

When Love Was Simple

I miss the days when love was simple

When me liking him was enough for me

And whether he liked me or not didn't faze me too much

'Cause the guys never did return my affections

But it was okay because, you know, consistency

And then one day in eight grade

I had another one of those crushes I always found myself having

And he actually asks me out

And I'm like "Is this really happening?"

And before my brain could even digest the reality

It became a past memory

Some excuse about how he was not allowed to date yet

But after a couple years or so

It occurred to me that it is possible

That he never really liked me in the first place

That his classmates may have dared him to date the new girl, me

And me having an obvious crush on him

Just made this charity gesture all the easier

But hey, I didn't let it bother me too much

Because, you know, my bounce back game was strong

And then someone I liked for years liked me back

And it wasn't a question this time

No external forces pushed him to "score" me

It was genuine

And it felt nice

The one single regret I have

Is that he was the one who introduced to me

The concept of love not being enough sometimes

See my feelings for him often felt like a non-stop tug-of-war with life

And after years of fight and rug burn on my palm

I let go

And after three years the scars are still healing

And after him it just hurt to hold on to someone

For any longer than three months

And after him I was low-key scared of loving and being loved

And I hate that I've learned to love this way

Damn.

I hate that I've learned to "love" this way

And I wish I could go back in time

And just love the way I used to

'Cause when I was younger

My heart had a grip like no other

When I was younger

I laughed at the face of heart break

Because of how large and strong my heart was

When I was younger, love was simple

Love didn't hurt

And love was enough

But you know what?

I still believe in love

I still believe that I can love

I still believe that love can be simple

We just complicate things with pride and fear

So I've been practicing by loving my family

I've been practicing by loving my friends

I've been practicing by loving God

And I've been praying

And I've been listening

And He's undoing some lies I once believed

And reinstalling the love I once had for the world

The love I once had in me

The love that He originally put there

And He's been teaching me to love

And He loves me FOR me

So I can love me for me

Bottom line is this:

Love is as simple as the one who teaches you how.