Off The Edge

Chapter 5: So Do I

"I hope you rot in hell."

"So do I."

Those few words kept echoing in my head after I had ended the call. I wondered if I should call Amanda, tell he that my mother was really going to bite the dust but then I told myself she hates me way to much to even care. I looked into my rearview mirror and then sighed; I pulled into a motel just outside of town, the opposite to the way I was originally going earlier that day. I checked in and made my way to the room. I pushed my key into the door and slowly opened it.

"I hope you rot in hell."

I can't believe I agreed with it. I went into the bathroom and stripped myself of my clothing. I looked into the mirror and the hickey's where there again. I stared at myself for a few moments with wide eyes and then slowly looked down at myself. This is insane, I was going crazy. I had to be, no way in hell this is happening. I turned on the shower and stepped into it, not minding the burning of my flesh as the water was turned as high as it would go.

"I hope you rot in hell."

I stood there until the water was freezing, my mind nowhere, numb. I turned off the water, but still stared out into nothing.

"I hope you rot in hell."

By the time I was half way there I was mostly dry. I slowly stepped out of the shower, pulled on the clothes I had sheded earlier. How long ago was earlier?

"I hope you rot in hell."

I went to my car and pulled out the six pack in my trunk.

"I hope you rot in hell."

I drunk every beer there and still wasn't physically numb.

"I hope you rot in hell."

I went back and grabbed the gin.

"I hope you rot in hell."

Still wasn't good enough. I needed more, I heard someone walking by.

"Uh, hey um. Could you- do you have any alcohol?" I got out but I wasn't there.

"Yo, bubby you do look so good, are you sure you should be drinking?" He asked me this, but I didn't care to answer.

"Fine," I mutter.

"I hope you rot in hell."

I go into my car and the guy ran up to the car.

"Hey I don't think you should be driving, I got some stuff. You can have it, just go back to your room. And you should probably take those bottles back too." I looked at him but he was a blur.

I nodded and made my way back to my room, leaving the bottles there. The car door open.

"I hope you rot in hell."

I had been staring off into space when the guy comes in with a pint of voka and handed me it. I looked at it before I downed most of it in one go.

The guy left and closed the door I neglected to shut before.

"I hope you rot in hell."

I toast to that, I finished the bottle. I'm an asshole. I have to go back, I stared into nothing and probably sat like that for two hours.

"I hope you rot in hell." "I hope you rot in hell." "I hope you rot in hell." "I hope you rot in hell." "I hope you rot in hell." "I hope you rot in hell." "I hope you rot in hell." "I hope you rot in hell." "I hope you rot in hell." "I hope you rot in hell." "I hope you rot in hell." "I hope you rot in hell." "I hope you rot in hell."

Over and over again. I can't escape it. I made my way back to my lowly car and sat in it for some time. I put my key in it.

"I hope you rot in hell."

The engine turned over. I pushed the car into the correct gear. This is all going excruciatingly slow.

"I hope you rot in hell."

I pulled out of the motel and made my way back. I made my way back to the hell I tried to run away from. I pulled into the parking lot and sighed. I was at the bar near the hospital. I opened my door and drug my lowly ass to the shack of a building. I took a step into the shambles and went to the bar.

"Give me anything." The bartender sat a drink in front of me and it was gone before he even had the chance to turn around. I tapped my fingers signaling I wanted another one.

I drunk one after another until I couldn't even sit up straight. But I found a way to start a fight and get beaten into a pulp. I wanted to stay and drink more but the the big scary men made me get out and put me into a taxi, taking me back to my motel.

"I hope you rot in hell."

"So do I."

I laid on that bed and looking out into nothing. After some time I made my way to the bathroom and looked at myself, my face was bloody and had dirt on it, but there was streaks of clean skin. The blood and dirt where mixing with my tears. I passed out there.