Not Enough ➳ t.m. au

Six

Toby had kept is distance form me since then. I had seen him less frequently, and although I did feel bad for exploding on him, it was horrible that he wasn't there for me in my time of need. He helped me, soothed me, made me feel calm again, but the aftermath had me torn apart, and he wasn't there to see any of it.

My footsteps were light as I made my way down the hall towards the window that led to the fire escape. My sleeves were pulled up past my hands and my arms were crossed over my chest. They always kept this place so damn cold.

When I had finally reached the top of the roof, my breath hitched when I saw Toby sitting at the edge, his legs dangling off as he looked below him. Large bags had taken the places beneath his eyes, and his hands were trembling slightly. When he heard my foot stamp from me reaching the top of the ladder, he glanced towards me, but didn't say a word. His expression was ice cold, and his lips looked pale.

"Toby," I murmured as I took a step towards him. "Are you doing okay?"

He didn't answer, and once I was close enough to reach him, I let my fingertips graze his arm lightly. He flinched at the touch.

"I'm sorry," he choked out finally, his head shaking. His palms were flat on the concrete while his short fingernails dug into the hard surface.

My hands wrapped around both his arms and I pulled him back lightly so he wouldn't be at the edge, looking to the plummeting height. "I know. Come on," my voice was quiet as I sat down and pulled him next to me.

"I shouldn't have.." he trailed off. When he looked at me, I had noticed his eyes were swollen, from crying, maybe, and I rested my hand lightly on top of his stone cold one. "I shouldn't have left you like that, Ash."

Then, out of nowhere, sobs escaped his mouth, and his hands covered his face so I wouldn't be able to see him in his fragile state. "I d-didn't know what to do," he wiped his tears away forcefully and let his hands lay back down on the concrete. Tears were still forming in his eyes, but I just let them flow. "Okay? It brought back so many memories, Ash, you don't understand."

"Toby, I.." Memories? What memories? Toby had always seemed so happy and full of life every time I saw him. I knew he had a dark past, but he would never let me in. "I was desperate for someone to be there for me, and when I confront you about it you blame it on your past." He was quiet and still, and I sighed. "How am I supposed to understand you when you won't even let me in? I'm trying to understand."

His head shot to look at me and he shook his head. "I could ask you the same thing."

My breath shook and I turned to look at him. "Listen, I.." I let out a breath of air. "I'll let you in if you let me in first."

He bit his lip and let out a shaking breath before opening his mouth to speak. "Nobody knows about me except for the doctor's here and my family. You're the first person that I've ever really.." He looked down and patted his palms on the concrete. "Trusted."

My eyes widened a bit at the words that had escaped from his mouth, but instead of reacting, I just scooted closer to him and told him to turn towards me, which he did. It was crazy, knowing someone for a week or two and putting your absolute trust in them because they seem like the only link of sanity in your life at the moment.

For me, he was that sanity.

"I know I've been a huge dick, and I am so sorry, Ash. I shouldn't have forced you to eat and I shouldn't have ditched you after you had that moment in the bathroom. I didn't know."

I nodded and bit my lip. "Nobody knows."

Toby lifted his fingers to his lips and started chewing his fingernails, which I had figured was a nervous habit. "My sister, she uh," he let out a sigh before continuing. "She passed away this past year, right before I got sent here. We didn't know she was depressed or being bullied, and she didn't act like she was, so we completely ignored the fact that something like that could have been happening to her." He dropped his hand from his lips and looked up to meet my eyes. "We found her dead and naked in the bathtub. Doctor's said it was an overdose."

My breath hitched in my throat and I reached forward to take his hand in mine, our fingers intertwining. When he felt the touch of my hand, it was as if his breathing stopped, and he dropped his gaze from my eyes.

"I started hurting myself soon after that because I couldn't deal with the pain of her being gone. I wasn't able to hear her laugh anymore, or yell at her for reasons unknown. She was gone, and there was nothing I could do." When tears welled up in his eyes again, I reached up and wiped them away gently. "They found me soon after in the bathtub, but fully clothed and with no water running. I had taken one too many pills and had ended up passing out. It was on purpose, of course, because I needed to see her again. I couldn't-" He stopped himself and pulled his hand away from mine before covering his face. "I couldn't stand the thought of living my life without my own sister, so I decided to take my own. But all it did was put me in a coma for three weeks and get me sent here."

He went quiet after that last sentence, and I sat still, my hands shaking a bit. And then, without hesitation, I pulled his body into mine and clung on to him tightly, my fingernails digging into his back lightly. My face buried into the crook of his neck, and when I felt his arms wrap around me, I held on even tighter.

The story was heartbreaking. It had put me in a state of shock, and it made me want to never let go of this boy that I had come to know. He was amazing, and to still be standing here today next to me, with his smile filled with such joy when he spoke, made me even more amazed with him.

"Your turn," he stated before I could even get a word out.

We both pulled away and I looked at him before letting out a deep breath, this time my nails were the ones digging into the concrete.

"My mom has been addicted to some bad, hardcore drugs since she was eighteen." Toby's eyes widened a bit but he gazed at me in wonder as I spoke. "I was supposed to have a brother, but he was stillborn because of my mom's mistake. Soon after his birth, she gave up on drugs and started to get sober, and then she had me. It was no surprise that she had named me after herself, since I had heard from her sisters that she had always been so full of herself and always had to be the center of attention." I rolled my eyes at that, which caused Toby to chuckle lightly. "She had stayed sober until I was about twelve, when I started middle school and came home crying almost every day because the kids had made fun of me. When she started to do drugs again, I just, I don't know, I-" I took my bottom lip between my teeth and chewed at the skin. "I felt like I didn't have a mom anymore. Every time I saw her she was either doped up or pissed about God knows what, and I had no control. Soon, word started to spread and in high school I started being called the "druggy's daughter"."

Toby rested his hand on top of mine to sooth me, but I felt emotionless. This story was all too familiar too me. Her being high and angry was all I knew, and talking about it now wasn't phasing me one bit.

"When I had had enough of the name calling, I had started to get angry too, and I started to get in fights almost every week. I would beat up anyone that would call me the"druggy's daughter" and eventually, instead of being angry with my mom, I started to get angry with myself for acting out. I stopped eating, and that's when I started to hurt myself." I shook my head when I had finished the sentence and looked up to meet Toby's eyes, which were begging me to continue. "One night I called my friend sobbing because I couldn't take it anymore and told her that I had planned to end my life that night. But, before I could even insert one pill into my mouth, the police had rammed through my door and taken me here, to this hell hole."

"Did they ever catch your mom?" Toby's voice was soft and light as he asked, and I grinned sadly.

"Yeah, they did. I mean, how could they not? My house was a mess. They charged her with child neglect and now she's in jail for years due to her drug abuse." Toby's face was full of sorrow, but I just shrugged and sighed. "Guess we both have really fucked up pasts, huh?"

He let out a sigh and chuckled lightly. "Yeah, no shit." Then, without missing a beat, he pulled me into a bone crushing hug, and whispered,

"but I guess that's why no matter how pissed or upset we are, we always find a way back to each other."

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I AM SO SORRY THAT I HAVE BEEN MIA FOR THE PAST FEW MONTHS!! School is literally kicking my butt and omg I'm so busy but I'm absolutely in love with this story so I'm gonna try and update as frequently as I can. I love you all! Please comment and vote!! <3