Not Enough ➳ t.m. au

Seven

When I entered the cafeteria a few days after Toby and I's private talk, I saw Toby and Dave sitting at my normal table, their mouths going a mile a minute. Together, they would talk nonstop, and the thought of being so close to someone like that made me smile.

When I sat down at the table after getting my cup of mac and cheese, both Toby and Dave fell silent and eyed me.

"What?" I questioned as I took a small bite of the cheesy noodles.

Toby got a wicked gleam in his eyes before answering. "We're thinking about sneaking out tonight."

My eyes widened at his choice of words and I shook my head slightly, my eyebrow raising. "You're kidding me."

"Not one bit," Dave interjected. "Look, there's this carnival that gets set up every weekend, and it's only five dollars to get in. So, we thought-"

"Where the hell would you get five dollars from?" I questioned before Toby rolled his eyes. "No one in here has money except for the workers."

Toby sighed and looked over at Dave, who was chewing his chicken slowly. "She thinks we don't have a plan."

Dave shook his head and grinned. "What a shame."

➳

The next few hours were full of Toby and Dave gathering money. Toby got five dollars for charming a nurse into giving him cash for the "vending machine", and Dave got his from his ex girlfriend that had been admitted into the center for having mild schizophrenia. And then, my money was collected by Toby, who had gotten  five more dollars from a different nurse. The both of them were standing by the fire escape window by the time I found them, ten dollars in Toby's hand, and five in Dave's.

Toby had a smirk on his face as I walked up, and when I reached forward to take it from him, my hand lightly brushed his, which caused his breath to hitch softly. He tried to act all charming and tough, but when it came to us, he was as weak as I had become.

"Ready?" Dave asked, which caused Toby to stop looking at me and turn his attention to him instead.

"As I'll ever be."

➳

It was a lot easier to sneak out than it had been expected. Since the fire escape window had always been unlocked for an unknown reason, instead of climbing up like we normally did, we climbed down. When my feet hit the hard concrete, and the cold air chilled my skin, I had felt free for once. My eyes had scanned the large buildings around us, and it was strange, in a way, to be back outside and on the ground. I felt like I hadn't walked on the sidewalk in years, when in reality it had only been months.

Toby's eyes were wandering around as well, and when I looked over at him, his eyes glanced towards me. "It's overwhelming," he muttered softly. "I haven't walked outside in over a year."

I nodded towards him and let my hand find his for comfort, and when I did, his body froze. His eyes trailed down to our intertwined fingers, and when he looked up to meet my eyes, a bright smile spread across his lips. Dave, on the other hand, was as excited as could be. He was jumping up and down in place and was twirling. It was as if he had never seen the outdoors before. He waved his five dollar bill high in the air and chanted as he skipped his way down the sidewalk in the direction of the carnival while Toby and I stayed behind.

"I didn't think it would be like this, you know," Toby stated before I looked over at him. "When I thought about breaking free and going outside, I had never imagined it would be...fun. I didn't think I would be happy." He cleared his throat and met my eyes, something strange flashing in his. "But I am so, so happy."

My cheeks flared red before we walked side by side, hand in hand, down the sidewalk and towards the carnival. Most of the buildings around us were lit up and colorful with the decorations of Christmas time, and blaring music got louder and louder in our ears as we arrived. When we approached the gate, we all hid our bracelets that had determined that we were checked into a rehabilitation center, and we all entered after we gave the man at the gate five dollars.

Once we were in, Dave howled and jumped even more before running off to one of the games. Toby's eyes glistened with amazement, and I stood frozen in my spot as I looked at the sight around us. Everything had looked like it had came from a Disney movie. All the rides were different colors of the rainbow, and every game had cheery music blasting to lure us in. Everything was magnificent, and when I looked over to see how Toby was reacting to everything, he was already looking at me.

"It's so beautiful," he mumbled just above a whisper. His eyes sparkled as he looked at me, and I grinned. "Everything is so beautiful."

And then we were off. Our feet were padding against the soft dirt beneath us as we came to the first ride, and as we arrived, Toby's fingers detangled from mine. For reasons unknown, this made my heart fall slightly into my stomach, but it was soon replaced with joy as he took my hand once again and tugged me on to the merry-go-round. He hurried on to a bright white horse with cotton candy blue hair, and I chose the Zebra that had pink stripes instead of black.

When the ride started, Toby leaned his head down to rest on the horse's head and looked at me, a grin spread on his lips and his eyes never leaving mine. Loud, joyful music played over the speakers as the ride quickened, and before I even knew what I was doing, I leaned my head back and closed my eyes. This feeling of being free had never occurred to me until now, and the way the chilly air had hit my skin like a thousand needles made every part of this adventure even better. With my eyes closed, it was as if I could imagine anything and everything, but instead, I just imagined Toby and I right here, right now, with our heads in the clouds and our bodies connected in a way that nobody could understand.

When my eyes opened and I looked at Toby, he was staring at me with fascination. It was me who smiled first, and then he joined. A look of pure serenity had taken place on his face, and it was him that reached forward once the ride stopped. It was him that had hopped off his horse and waited by mine. It was him who wrapped his arms around my waist and held me so tight that it felt like all my worries had washed away.

And it was him who whispered, "you're amazing," over and over in my ear until it was so embedded into my mind that I had never thought anything less of myself for the rest of the night.