If I Could I Would [boyxboy]

Chapter Four

Morning again. I really believe there has to be a better way to start the the day than waking up in the morning! I look at my clock and see I've actually woken up on time today; that's weird!

I slug getting clothe ready before I go shower. I don't know why but I feel today is going to be a good day! I find my jean jacket and my black scrunchy sweatpants. The white top is on the bed so now I have to shower.

I get, actually stumble into the shower and take a well deserved long shower. As I shampoo my hair the scene on the bus come into my my mind! My heart goes into shock and I can actually feel a bang of shock! My stomach twist and my head fly's up!

He's gonna be on the bus....with me again......alone. The words drift through my mind like razors. I can't breathe.....I feel all this guilt. Will he hate for running away before? Will my parents hate me because I'm having those feelings again? Will the world hate me if they knew! "I can't deal with this" I yell.

After getting dressed I go downstairs and sit in silence. I drink my coffee, the only thing making me happy at this moment! I run the scene through my head one more time!

His hand, no his pinky was wrapped around mine. Just slightly touching me, but I didn't move.....I didn't move away. Why? Even if what i'm feeling is real, which it's NOT! There is no way he feels the same. He probably did that by accident..... YEAH! That makes sense, he was calling to me to tell me it was an accident! He probably hasn't even thought of it......he probably hasn't thought of me at all. My heart sinks into my stomach. I feel sad....."he probably hasn't thought of it or me at all." I whisper into my coffee mug.

I wash my mug, and slither out the door. I hear my mom say bye and I slam the door!

I drudge to the bus stop and I see him. He's standing there, hands in his pocket one headphone in. I walk towards feeling every step that I take. I walk around and stand beside him in the bus stop. When I walk in his head pops up and mine goes down! I don't look at him as I walk in! He says "hey." I mutter "hi" trying to calm my nerves. We stand there and I can feel this tension but when I look at him he looks so  calm, too relaxed and just beautiful. He stands being just a smidge taller than and my heart starts to race as he turns and catches me looking at him. He holds it for a little but I break it. I can feel my face turning red and I regret ever coming into the bus stop at all! I want to die! I think I'm having a heart attack.... Oh no I'm gonna die....right in front him! After freaking for a while I feel a hand on my shoulder. My head pops up and he's looking at me with a kind of questioning face. "Do you wanna talk about it?" He ask. I'm still in shock and awe of his hand on my shoulder and his voice flowing through my ears, But I reply with "about what?" "The thing that happened on the bus," He says. "It was an accident RIGHT? You didn't mean to do it!" I say trying to emphasize ever word so he will just agree. "No" he says in a crisp but sweet voice. I start to turn red and my heart was threatening to bust out of my chest. "I'm gay, and I thought you were checking me out in bio by the way you stared." He said. My blood went cold and my heart stopped.

The bus finally came and I could never be more happy!

I get on and him right behind me. I can hear every step he takes in his Timberland's. We go to the very back of the bus and it continues.

"So was that OK? You didn't move so I thought it was OK." He says. "I'm.....not.....gay" I say in the most shakiest and quietest voice I've ever herd. He looks at me and smirks. "Ok," he says and that's all.

We get to school and he acts like nothing happened. I feel like I'm dying and he can just go on with his life. I'm like nothing and it bugs me! I want him to care and I want him to want me!

"I WANT YOU TO WANT ME!" I scream, in my had, but when I look up he's already in the school and I'm left looking crazy

[hey, sorryit'sbeensolongbuthereitis! voteandcommentofyoulikeandtellmewhatyouthink! thanksforthereads =) p.s more Smut soontocome ;)]