Suddenly...Gone

Chapter 24

Daryl walked into the house really tired. He hated looking weak to anyone, but in reality, he was exhausted. He wanted his body to heal faster than it was capable of. Daryl didn't see Emma anywhere, so he went upstairs to their room to look for her, but the room was empty when he opened the door. He stood there for a minute trying to figure out where she could have gone when he heard laughter coming from down the hall.

He followed the sounds and found Emma sitting on the floor in Carl and Judith's room, playing with Judith. Daryl leaned up against the doorframe and watched them having fun and giggling. Emma was a natural with the toddler. Only when Judith saw Daryl and reached out for him, did Emma notice that he was watching them.

"Hey," he said smiling at her. This was the first time he had thought about them having kids. It would have been a normal progression in their relationship if they had gotten married, but he really hadn't ever thought about it. He had such bad parents that he wondered even if he could have been a good father. He certainly knew what made a bad one as he had seen that first hand. Emma would have been a wonderful mother.

"Hi," she responded. "Judith and I are having some girl time, aren't we?" The toddler giggled as Emma tickled her belly. "Enid came by to see Carl and since I wasn't doing anything I volunteered to watch Judith while they went for a walk. You know how young love is."

"I knew what young lust was, love didn't come around until I was much older," he told her. The sexy smile he flashed her sent tingles throughout her entire body.

"Are you finished with Rick?"

"They kicked me out. We made the decisions, it's just moving the shit now, and I can't do that. When's the kid comin' back?" Daryl asked.

"Should be soon. How's the shoulder feeling?" Emma had noticed the stiff way he was holding his right arm. "Should be past time for pain pills and the antibiotics."

"Yeah, it's being a bitch. I'll go take some now. We got any food?" His stomach was growling.

"Yes, we do. Judith and I made a big casserole for dinner, and I kept some of the pasta separate. You go take your pills, and we'll go down and heat it up for you." Emma scooped up Judith and walked over to Daryl. The little girl's arms reached out to him, and he took her from Emma.

Judith wrapped her arms around his neck and laughed and then she planted a wet kiss on his cheek. Emma put her hands on her hips and cocked her head. "Looks like someone's after my man," she teased tickling Judith. "Not gonna happen little one, he's all mine."

Emma went to take Judith back from Daryl, and the little girl hung on tightly to his neck. "Well, looks like she's made her choice, but I bet Daryl doesn't have applesauce waiting for you downstairs like I do. Does Judith want applesauce?"

Suddenly the little arms that held tightly onto Daryl extended out to Emma. "I'm thrown over for applesauce," he grinned handing the toddler back. "I'll be downstairs after I take the meds." Daryl dropped a kiss on Emma's lips and on Judith's head before heading back to their room.

As Emma headed downstairs with Judith, she wondered what type of parents she and Daryl would have made. They never talked about having kids, so she wasn't even sure he had ever wanted any, but he was very good with Judith. It may be a conversation for the future.

Emma was heating up food for Daryl in between feeding mouthfuls of applesauce to Judith. The little girl loved it. Just as she was pulling the plate out of the microwave, Carl came back with Enid. He thanked Emma for watching Judith and together with Enid, they took her outside in her stroller.

"Where's lil ass kicker?" Daryl asked coming into the kitchen.

"Carl came back, and he and Enid took her out in the stroller. Why do you call her that?" Emma asked placing the plate of food in front of him.

"It was a miracle that she survived being born. Rick's wife died because of it. She didn't get a name for days, cause Rick was too fucked up over losing Lori and we needed a name. That was my suggestion, cause she's a tough kid."

Emma laughed at him, it was so his style of thinking. "You ever think of having kids?" she asked him.

"Nope. I never thought I would even get married...that was until I met you. Guess it woulda been sumthin' we woulda needed to talk about if we had gotten hitched. Not sure I know what being a good Dad is all about. I wouldn't want to mess the kid up like I am," he admitted. Daryl shoved a couple mouthfuls of food in.

"I've watched you with Judith, and you are great with her. She loves you. I think going through what you did with your parents showed you what not do, not everyone learns that. I know you did. I think you would have made a great father," Emma told him resting her hand on his.

"What about you?" Daryl asked Emma. "Do you want kids?"

"Yes, I always did. I wanted to show my child what love from a parent should be like. Children should be cherished not thrown away," she told him quietly. All these years later that her parents could give her up so easily and never look back still bothered her. It was one of the many reasons she and Daryl fit so well. They could understand the frustration and anger they each had toward their worthless parents. None of them should have ever been allowed to have children, with the types of abuse they subjected Daryl and Emma to.

She wiped away a lone tear. "Now, who knows? I don't feel I could keep a child safe from this world, so is it fair to have one when dying is so easy to do?"

Daryl got up from where he was sitting at the counter and pulled Emma into a strong hug. "I understand what you're sayin', and I agree. Rick almost lost Judith, and that about killed him, not sure I could go through that again. Losing you was a fuckin' nightmare. If it was my child...I don't know what I would do."

Daryl tilted Emma's chin up, so she was looking at him. "I missed you today," he told her dropping a lingering kiss on her plump lips. "I want nothin' more to stay here and talk to you, but the pills kicked in, and since I was already tired, I need to lie down. Come upstairs with me?" he asked her.

"Of course," Emma said. "Let me clean up first, and I'll meet you up there."

It didn't take her more than fifteen minutes to clean up the mess from his meal, but when she got into the room, he was sound asleep on the bed. Emma crawled in next to him and decided to take a nap too. It reminded her of their weekends off when they lived together. Usually, on Sundays, they would take an afternoon nap, which always seemed to lead to them both ending up naked.

Emma wished she knew what she could do to get over this fear she had. Until she did, it would hurt her relationship with Daryl especially if he had no idea what was holding her back. As much as she wanted him and knew he wasn't like any of those men that hurt her, she just couldn't get past being intimate with him again. She needed to tell him, but she didn't' know how, so Emma would continue to hide it from the man that loved her. She closed her eyes and drifted off wishing everything had turned out differently.