Words I've Never Spoken

Dear drug dealing ex

Dear drug dealing ex,

I truly did love you at one point. I really did.. but it seemed like you never truly loved me. 

Every time you and I were together, we were never truly together. Your mind was a million other places. You would become quiet and spacey or you were tripping balls. You would make plans and then not show up nor would you call or text letting me know you were okay. 

I spent 5 months constantly worrying and praying that you would be okay. You tried to get me to take random pills, you got arrested twice, you were the cause of so many tears. I dug a knife so deep into my thigh that I should have gotten stitches because of the bullshit you put me through. But you introduced me to M and for a few weeks, I was happy. 

You took some random thing and your internal organs started shutting down. I thought you were dead. I cried so so much that day. I had to go to school thinking you were dead. I have never been more terrified in my life. 

That was only one of the many fucked up situations you put me in. 

If I went into all the details, I would never be able to do what I'm about to do next. 

I forgive you. It's in the past. I will never fully forget, but I forgive you...

Sincerely, 

The girl whose life you ruined