Words I've Never Spoken

Dear Boy From Chem

Dear Boy From Chem,

I sat next to you for months and didn't find out until after I decided to switch schools that you and I had mutual feelings.
I kissed you. While I was dating someone else. 
I fell in love with you. While you love someone else.
Sometimes I think that maybe I should have killed myself 2 years ago, but then you make me glad that I didn't.

I fight because of you.
I smile because of you.
I laugh because of you 
I shut off all emotions yet, you makes me feel happiness.

You see me in a way that no one else does. You make me want to be a better person. I want to be the person you see me as. The girl who deserves your love.

Yet, you are flirting with my best friend. Making her fall in love. So I no longer feel like the only girl in the world. I feel like I'm second choice, second best, second to her. But I'm not. Because she is the younger version of me. And I know you could never be with her because of her older brother. He would kill you. I know that makes me sound selfish and jealous but at this point I don't care.

I feel emotions because of you.
Whether it be happiness or sadness or hurt or joy. I feel because of you.

I honestly don't know what to say other than I'm going to miss you. Actually I already do miss you. I'm going in today to fill out all the enrollment papers at my new school and it's scary as fuck.

Sincerely,
The girl from chem